OK, so I've been found out.
I am going to tell you now, before you read it in The Washington Post and the media starts crawling all over it. (In my industry, this is called "getting ahead of the story".) Don't be surprised if Larry King wants to interview you.
I do not actually believe all of the things I write about on this blog.
And -- this is hard to admit -- some of the things I write about are complete fabrications.
Yes, I have been caught in my own web of lies.
This is probably hard to accept, after I have lied about so many things, but I am going to come clean about a few important matters.
- I am not actually a celebrity, and people are not clamouring for my autograph.
- If there is such a place as hell, I do not get excited at the thought of people going there.
- My brother Nate is not a Hebrew scholar.
- My brother Matt does not force his girlfriend to wear a gas mask.
- My brother Ben does not get drunk and naked and pass out standing up at random houses. At least, I don't have proof of this.
Many people have suspected this, but nobody was ever able to prove it. Damn those investigative journalists! Why did they have to turn their piercing gaze to me? Are they jealous of my success? I think that must be it.
In all seriousness: This is a personal blog. You ought to know me. If you think I'm joking in a post, I'm probably joking. And no, I don't mean you any harm.
Also on a serious note: Come on, people! Don't set up a blog and then ignore it. It's like nobody understands what commitment is anymore.