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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I want to be famous

I've realized why paparazzi do not follow me around, despite my remarkable intelligence and stunning good looks.

I've been on the celebrity blogs, and Britney, Paris and Lindsay all have something I don't have: Crotch shots.

Yes. In the last 24 hours I have been treated to:
1. Close-up pictures of Britney Spears' vagina.
2. Close-up pictures of Paris Hilton's vagina.
3. Close-up pictures of Lindsay Lohan's vagina.

No, perverts, I am not going to post any of these pictures. This photo shows dear Ms. Spears' legs being held together by the always-demure Miss Hilton. I am still trying to bleach my retinas after the sight of the other pictures.

I don't know why it took me so long to come up with this idea. It probably has something to do with the fact that I don't wear super-short skirts because it is -35 here. Either that or the fact that I wear underwear because I am trying to stay herpes-free.

If a person with no discernible skills except crotch-flashing can become famous, I don't see why it should be so difficult for the rest of us. I mean, this hike-up-your-skirt motion has to be pretty easy. From there it would be a simple task of pivoting your hips at the exact moment the cameras started to flash: "Oh, dear! Whoever would have thought that photographers would want to take pictures of me? This NEVER happens!"

And then it would be a sweet ride to fame and fortune. And maybe herpes.