A is for apple pie, B is for bear

This will be short. We are heading to Cindy's husband's goodbye party in a moment.

Glen has responded to my challenge to rewrite the world's worst news story into something that resembles the English language. Check it out here. He has made me promise not to critique it -- he claims that I am on a journalism jihad.

This is partly true. And if I were to behead anyone, I would start at the copy desk. There are supposed to be multiple lines of defense at a newspaper:

Reporters report. That means they research stories, decide what to include and package a story into an appropriate form. Usually, they are supposed to know how to write. (A girl can dream, right?)

Editors edit. They do this at several stages: by turning down bad story pitches, by providing direction to reporters, and by cutting bad copy out of stories. Usually, they are also expected to know how to write.

It is the noble and oft-misunderstood copy editor who is responsible for fixing a reporter's grammar. These people are angels who work behind the scenes. They fix spelling errors. They make sure that reporters follow the newspaper's stylebook. God love 'em, they even keep an eye out for rogue commas. At some publications, they clean up bad writing, lay out pages and write headlines (or "heds").

Copy editors are hired because they know how to use the English language. They can recognize a run-on sentence. They know what a subordinate clause is. And for crying out loud, THEY KNOW HOW TO USE A HYPHEN!!!

What happened? Are the copy editors on strike?