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Sunday, January 21, 2007

A few idle comparisons

Yes, I know that my definitions of "north" and "south" are different from yours.

South: Hey, this is a DAY-OLD BAGEL! What a rip-off! I want my money back!
North: Wow, there are only two mouldy spots on this bagel.

South: GODDAMMIT! Eighty cents a litre for gasoline? WTF?
North: Did the shipment of gasoline come in yet?

South: *peers through window suspiciously* Are those guns on the neighbour's porch?
North: *peers through window suspiciously* Is that the back half of a caribou wrapped up in a blanket on the neighbour's porch next to the guns?

South: I refuse to buy these strawberries. Some of them are dented.
North: I need to buy more of these strawberries. I only had to throw a few of them away.

South: When you cooked this meat, did you use a meat thermometer?
North: When you prepared this meat, did you butcher it outside on a piece of cardboard, with flies buzzing all around? Has it been refrigerated at any time in the last four days?

South: I can't sleep at night because of the sirens.
North: I can't sleep at night because of the ski-doos, the squawking ravens and the barking dogs.

South: I can't afford a trip to Mexico. It's $200 per person.
North: I can't afford a trip to Mexico. It's $700 per person just to get to Edmonton.

South: OHMIGOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??? SHOOT IT BEFORE IT COMES CLOSER!
North: Is it just me, or are there a lot of bison on the road today?

South: Man, I'm exhausted from shopping all day.
North: Excuse me, I'm trying to give you money in exchange for goods and services. Would anyone like to take my money?

South: When does the sun go down?
North: The sun goes down in summer?

South: I wish our trees were greener.
North: I wish we had trees.

South: I'm tired of working 70-hour weeks.
North: What, you go to work when you're tired?

4 comments:

Cin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cin said...

Sorry, screwed up my last comment.

I laughed so hard at this I woke the baby.

Stacey said...

I'll have you know that gas here was 104.9 until last week. It is now 98.0.

Jackie S said...

This:

South: Man, I'm exhausted from shopping all day.
North: Excuse me, I'm trying to give you money in exchange for goods and services. Would anyone like to take my money?


is my favourite!