The stages of voting for Barack Obama

YAY! John McCain is back in the race! I am thrilled. I felt robbed in 2000.

His campaign's not doing so well. WHAT. EVER. I don't care. McCain rocks. He lost in 2000, and I still think he's great.

He's back in it! Awesome.

Hmmm. Does it seem like he's not quite the same guy I supported in 2000? Anyone else feeling it? No?

I sort of like Obama, too. I really want someone with integrity to be the president. That's important to me. I'll just wait and see what happens.

He's going to be the Republican nominee! WOOT! How do I register? I've never voted before! I feel sort of giddy and night-before-Christmas-y!

I REGISTERED! I DID IT!

OK, is anyone else thinking that McCain is really NOT the same guy I liked so much for all those years? No, seriously. He seems different. Like he's a bit of a jerk. More like the guy who's in power now. I don't like that.

Wow, it really will be Obama. This is going to be tough. I'm not sure I know who I prefer. I mean, I've spent all these years waiting for John McCain to be president because I really believed he was a man of integrity. But I think Obama might actually be the best candidate. I'm pretty sure I'm not a Democrat. What do I do now?

Joe Biden. Interesting choice. I think McCain makes a good point about Hillary. If so many people wanted her to be president, maybe she would have been a good VP. I think he's telling us he's going to pick Romney. Or Rudy. Rudy would be an interesting choice. Or maybe Huckabee. I like Huckabee. I don't want him to be in charge of anything, but he's a good-natured guy who always makes me smile. Heck, what do I know? He was a governor for years. He's got a ton of experience and he probably would be good. Or Romney. Or Rudy. I wonder which one McCain will pick. I don't think he'll actually pick Lieberman.

The DNC is boring. Yawn. Do we actually want to pretend that we don't know what's going to happen? Blah blah blah. I'm not watching this crap.

Who the f*ck is Sarah Palin? The governor of Alaska? Uh...hmmm. I need more information. I've never heard of this woman.

I don't like this "hottest governor from the coolest state" crap the RNC is pushing on us. Women are tough and smart. It's about our qualifications, it's not about how hot we are. Sexist jerks.

WOMEN are wearing those "hottest governor" T-shirts now. Gross. And the lipstick thing is just stupid. We need ideas, not lipstick. Morons. We women are our own worst enemies.

One of these days, I'm sure Sarah Palin will tell us what she thinks about the world. Right?

Hmmm. She's not talking to the media. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to find out anything about her unless she starts doing interviews. Does she have a blog? Meghan McCain has a blog.

Ah, she's only doing interviews with people she thinks will go easy on her. I don't like that. She should be talking to every reporter she meets.

She can't speak in sentences?

She says she has foreign-policy experience because Alaska is near Russia?

She can't name any newspapers or magazines?

Where the HELL is John McCain??? Why isn't he talking to the media?

She can't answer questions in a debate?

She's blaming the media for all of her problems and demanding deference from them?

Why, look! It's my ballot!