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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Yes, I am a bad mommy

Reader-submitted complaint: Your son clearly watches too much "CSI". Not only is he violent, but he's coming up with alternate explanations for his violent behaviour. Aren't you worried about that?


Perhaps this should be a lesson to me. Perhaps this blog should never chronicle any of my secret fears or personal disappointments. It should only detail my proudest days: moments that I'd like to preserve for all time and brag about.

But then it wouldn't be real.

My life is like yours: no better, no worse. Like you, I'm secretly worried that I'm not measuring up to everyone else. The bottom drops out of my stomach at least once a week. I'm terrified that everyone is going to figure out that I'm a huge fraud. Strike that: I know they'll figure it out. Really, how far can semicolon expertise take me? And I know I don't measure up to the Stepford Mommies at Michael's school and the ski club.

To answer your question, I'm not worried about Michael. Although I was upset about the hitting, I was more concerned about the fact that he lied for five hours about what actually happened. I'm not excusing it: hitting is bad. It is wrong to hit other kids. But it was a momentary lapse in judgment. I think the lies were worse because they were sustained over a long period of time. I wish he had come clean about the hitting right at the start.

I should probably clarify that he does not watch CSI at all. (What kind of mother do you think I am?) We've dealt with the problem, and he and his best bud are still best buddies. I will probably continue to worry about my own skills as a parent, though.

Probably? Who am I kidding?


Trudie said...

I think you and your husband dealt with the situation in just the right way! Don't even consider the "besserwisser" who commented. Does this person even have children of her/his own and thus first-hand knowledge of the challenges a parent has to meet every day?
I can so relate to your fears about being 'found out as the fraud you are' - at 55, with a grown son and a good career, I still get that feeling all too often!
Like you, I consider the lie more serious than the hitting - but again, you did the right thing. Years from now when you talk to your son about this, I am certain that he will remember what you taught him about being truthful - but nary a thing what brought it all on!
Keep on writing the way you have in your blog! Why succumb to the forces who are only concerned with surface - real life is all about the content, good, bad, beautiful and ugly!

Anonymous said...

All the really important things we do in life (being born, dying, making families) we have to do as amateurs ("lovers").
Keep up the good work, Maggie!

Megan said...

The "person" was actually several readers: I often roll similar questions or complaints together.

Other people had the opposite reaction. More on this later today.

Nicole in Kuwait said...

Some people are weird and overreact.... our world goes nuts (just my humble opinion....)

What was it a hundred years ago? Too much of what was it then?

I think, you're doing a fine job! Keep it up!