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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Proof of a Higher Power

Entry #12 in the Being David Hasselhoff contest comes from Sally, who has proof that even religious people love the Hoff.

Who am I kidding? There's no way to prove that David Hasselhoff is not a god. Therefore, it must be true. This explains many things, especially:

Before I left my job with the Catholics, I spent the afternoon with a co-worker putting my boss' head on Hass' body. The result was this…

He saw the picture and loved it. Which is scarier… the photo itself or my boss liking it?

There's no doubt: David Hasselhoff created the universe and is responsible for all of the good things on this planet. Disease, on the other hand, is caused by people who don't love the Hoff. (It's hard to believe, but these people DO exist.) If you believe in the Hoff, after you die you'll get to live on a sandy beach where everyone runs in slow motion. If you DON'T believe in the Hoff, after you die you'll be tortured forever. And forever's a long time.

But wait! I'm selling indulgences! Send me proof that you are David Hasselhoff: dryas (at) theedge (dot) ca. Or post in the comments box. Or if you see me on the street, grab me by the shirt and make your pitch.

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Stacey Knows David Hasselhoff
Michael Is David Hasselhoff
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Steve Is David Hasselhoff
Ricki Meets David Hasselhoff
I Am David Hasselhoff