Introducing the judge for the Being David Hasselhoff contest

I'm pretty open about myself here on the blog. But one thing you probably don't know about me is that I am sworn to uphold respect for the law. Yes. It would be unethical for me to, say, launch into an extended critique of the Herd And Fencing Act. And not just because it would bore you to tears. (Note to self: The Commissioner may appoint ANY person as an officer!? Fascists! There's clearly a conspiracy here. Practise fiery speech and arrange suitable time and place to win the masses over to my side. Remember to invite Name of Paper Withheld.)

No, that would be wrong.

And so I know you'll be impressed to learn that I have secured a person who is actually qualified to be a judge to be the judge for the Being David Hasselhoff contest. And when I say that, I mean that the judge is qualified to be a judge. A real judge, not a judge of pants.

I'll just wait for you to pick your jaw up off the floor. You probably didn't realise that I have such impressive connections.

Security is paramount. What if some unscrupulous person attempts to unduly influence the judge? For this reason, I will not be releasing her last name. I will refer to her only as "Sheila". Even that may provide too many clues to her identity. I am concerned that someone may send shirtless men with chocolates to her office in a crass attempt to gain favour. What if she didn't share them with me? (The shirtless men, I mean. I'm on a diet.)

Remember, the contest ends Wednesday at 5pm.