Don't go chasing rabbits

"Dad, what's a sadistic switch hitter?"

"WHAT??? Where did you hear that? I don't know what that means!!! Is that in one of the songs you're listening to???"

This was an actual conversation between me and my dad when I was about 14. My uncle Rick had given me a book called Go Ask Alice, which purports to be an actual diary but is apparently a work of fiction. Too bad nobody told me this at the time.

This book scared the bejeezus out of me. I think my uncle gave it to me just to get it out of his house. My copy is well-worn and it was probably second-hand when he got it. I am fairly sure it's not the sort of thing he would have bought for himself: it was probably a gift from someone who was trying to scare him back onto the straight and narrow.

If you've ever wondered how people end up as heroin addicts who eat their own scabs, this book will answer all of your questions. People become heroin addicts when they go to parties and drop acid without meaning to. Damn those party hosts who give LSD away so freely and surreptitiously! From there it's a wild ride through every type of illegal drug imaginable, all manner of sexual abuse, hallucinations and eventually DEATH. This could happen to you!

I can't get rid of this book yet. I have to find an unsuspecting victim who can take it off my hands. I figure this is only fair. Perhaps my uncle's pre-teen daughter is looking for a little light reading.