Dear Britney,

OK, I know that I just finished saying that I am not a fashionista, but my office has literally shut down for a week and a half and I have nothing to do but look at celebrity blogs. Well, technically that's a lie. I was supposed to clear off the roof today, but got distracted by this:




OK, Britney. I am really glad to see that you are wearing underwear again. That's an important first step. But I think you've missed the point.

Under...Wear. You wear it under things. Like your clothes. Bras go under shirts. Underpants go under pants. Man, even Ozzy Osbourne can figure this out.

That's a cute bra. Unfortunately, you are wearing it in the wrong way. You are supposed to let the shoulder strap show, and then demurely act like you didn't realize it was happening: Whoops! Tee-hee! Silly me! I was having SO MUCH FUN talking to you that I accidentally showed my bra! You are not supposed to go out in public with the back strap shoved way up out of the top of your shirt. A lady leaves some things to the imagination. Like the print on your bra. Unless you are a Victoria's Secret model, you are just supposed to give people a glimpse of it.

And while I'm on the subject, a few notes about the art of flashing your G-string: You are supposed to FLASH it, not let it all hang out. You bend over to tie your shoe, let the back of it show, and then demurely act like you didn't realize it was happening: Whoops! Tee-hee! Silly me! I was SO BUSY tying my shoe that I accidentally showed my underpants! You are not supposed to go out in public wearing a see-through lace dress.

Last but not least: Please brush your hair.