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Sunday, December 24, 2006


I was so busy planning my split from this evil blog that I almost missed this breaking news story. Just a fact of life here in the true remnant.

Laura Mallory, who is almost certainly in the running for sainthood, has been waging a campaign to ban Harry Potter from her local schools. She has alarming statistics that show that kids who read Harry Potter are more likely to try to cast spells. Goodness knows which of these spells might work. Clearly, these books are works of Satan. Saint Laura says she has not read them and does not need to read them to know that they are evil. Amen, sister! A teenager is helping her in this noble quest. The teenager went into a suicidal depression after she read the books and unsuccessfully tried to do the spells. If this isn't proof of Harry's evil nature, I don't know what is. If kids want to read, they should be reading the Bible.

It's time we contained this type of knowledge. Pile all of these books up and set them on fire. Use one of those burning American flags you're so fond of. As the flame blazes up toward heaven, the angel of the Lord will ascend in the flame. Every face from south to north will be scorched by it. I can hardly wait.