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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

A new Plan B

I have a new back-up career plan.

For several years, I planned to become a Girls Gone Wild girl if anything went wrong with my current career path. This seemed to be the perfect plan: it would offer me the lasting fame I have been seeking for my entire life.

However, over the last few months, Glen has pointed out that this is probably not the best option. There were several reasons:

  1. Girls Gone Wild girls do not really get lasting fame. They are on screen for a few seconds at most.
  2. The pay is really bad. They're probably paid in cheap vodka, which you have to drink out of another girl's brassiere.
  3. The Girls Gone Wild guy is in jail. Who would've thought that it would be illegal to allegedly ply allegedly underage girls with alcohol and allegedly videotape them while they allegedly take off their clothes, then allegedly profit from sales of the video? Fascists!
So I need a new plan. And I found it close to home.

David Hasselhoff needs women to shake their butts and lip-synch behind him while he lip-synchs. These women are called Hoffettes, and I think you can see the attraction. This could be a long-term career. It would be the perfect combination of not-really-singing, not-really-dancing without having to join the Pussycat Dolls and show off my "confidence". (Yes, I am so lonely that I actually watched their TV show last night.)

Anyway, back to the Hoffettes. These women have indeed gained lasting fame. Not only do they get to travel all around the world, but they have been immortalized in music videos (the gritty video for this song includes some kick-ass special effects at the end). And I think it's unlikely that David will be arrested anytime soon. If the police tried to cuff him, they would probably burst into flames from the sheer sensuality of it all. Some people can't take it. I, however, would be really good at shaking my butt while wearing high-heeled boots. If this communications career of mine ever falls apart, it's very comforting to know that I have other options.


Glen said...

I hate to continue to be the bearer of bad news but you don't have big enough hair to be a Hoffette.

Steve & Megan said...

I could get a wig while I'm shopping for the stripper boots and the skirt that would barely cover my rear end.

You can't take this away from me. Look at them! All they do is wag their fingers like naughty librarians and shake their butts at David. I could TOTALLY do that.