(The title of this post should be read in a frustrated voice, like this: "Oh, Canada! Stop farting during dinner.")
You've probably been on the edge of your seat, waiting for CBC to unveil the Seven Wonders Of Canada. I know you can't wait, because CBC says it's the talk of the town. I'm not entirely sure which town they're talking about, but it's definitely not Name of Town Withheld.
Anyway, the contest is over. People have voted, and in the end none of it mattered -- the "wonder" that got the most votes did not make the list. In fact, only two of the voters' picks made the list.
And this list...well, let's just say that it is very Canadian. The judges first wanted us to know that it was a very difficult choice. This is the sort of nice thing you say whenever you're a judge, but these guys went on to say that cutting the list was agonizing and that each person who lives here is a wonder of Canada. Yeah, you'd think it was kindergarten or something. You can't celebrate one thing without crushing the self-esteem of another. (This is a joke for Cute with Chris, but a rallying cry for Canadians.)
The top audience selections were all wonders of nature, like Niagara Falls and the Sleeping Giant. The final list is:
- The Canoe: The judges explained that they liked this one because of its ties to aboriginal culture. Then they interviewed a white guy about it.
- Niagara Falls: I agree with them on this one.
- Pier 21: This is the Ellis Island of Canada. It was the entry point for untold numbers of immigrants during the last century.
- The Rocky Mountains: I know Americans have them too, but I think ours are nicer.
- Prairie Skies: I really don't get this one. They went on and on about the Saskatchewan license plate and how all parts of the province have the sky. I am not sure if I should break it to the CBC that we have a sky here in Name of Town Withheld, too. It is not just a Saskatchewan thing.
- Old Quebec City: Because you can't forget Quebec or they'll threaten to leave. Being a Canadian is like being in a dysfunctional marriage: "I hate you! I'm leaving!" "But --" *SLAM*
- And finally: The igloo.
You might be wondering which wonder got the axe (or ulu, in this case) to make room for the igloo. It was Haida Gwaii, of course. If CBC is going to celebrate one aboriginal culture, another aboriginal culture is just going to have to move out of the way. Don't worry.
That was a tasteless joke. Sorry about that.
What I meant to say was that you can't get much more Canadian than this pathetic list. Around here, we pick our wonders by looking at the map to make sure we don't offend anyone. We don't want to include too many wonders that one group of people would disproportionately identify with, and the Haida and Inuit are exactly the same, so it's only fair to kick the BC hippies off the list to make room for houses made of snow. Pass me a latte. Does this miniskirt make my butt look big?