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Saturday, October 07, 2006

For those who read in the original Hebrew

The book of Judges is nothing compared to the last part of Deuteronomy. My favourite part is the back half of Deuteronomy 28. Go and look it up on I'll wait.

Everybody back? OK.

Moses is an old guy and is now issuing these spectacular threats. He's not stopping to think of new ones in the middle of a narrative, like we used to see earlier on. They're now coming one right after another, like "Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house!" "BURN! Well, YOUR mother..."

Except that these are WAY better.

You will have sons and daughters but you will not keep them, because they will go into captivity.


Because of the suffering that your enemy will inflict on you during the siege, you will eat the fruit of the womb, the flesh of the sons and daughters the LORD your God has given you.


You will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but no one will buy you.


This is Moses as crazy old guy, desperate to finish his book and now completely insane. (Yes, I know there are nice bits at the very end. He's not the only one to write the last chapter early on just so he has something to look forward to.) I can see him thinking "Hrm, what's the nastiest thing I can think of? Eating afterbirth, that's the ticket! Yeah, you freaks are gonna do that too! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You kids are totally misguided, with your newfangled sandals! I'll teach YOU how to herd goats, thank you very much! And the vultures are gonna eat you! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Come over here and I'll hit you with my cane!"

Judges at least has some interesting stories. This is totally crazy. I also note that the "curses" section of this chapter is roughly three times as long as the "blessings" section.


Kevin Holsapple said...

Keep reading! You'll find that crazy old Moses was a prophet.