The best movie reviews EVER

If you're not familiar with the Childcare Action Project ("CAP"), you don't know what you've been missing.

CAP rates movies in shocking detail. Reviews are here, but before checking out the reviews, you should read their review system.

CAP exists to inform parents about all of the evils in the movies you thought were safe for your children to watch. It is too bad that CAP didn't exist in 1984, because they would probably have informed my mother that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom would put me on the fast track to a wanton lifestyle.

CAP has an easy-to-follow red/yellow/green marking system. I should say red/yellow, because there are almost no greens. This is helpful, because there is also a 100-point scale for six separate themes, including Wanton Violence/Crime, Impudence/Hate, and Drugs/Alcohol. I am struck by the attention to details that I admit I missed on the first viewings of many films. For example, you probably did not know that It's A Wonderful Life has a yellow rating because of high levels of wanton violence/crime and even some sexual immorality. I admit that I never considered the scene where Donna Reid hides behind the bush to be a "sexually suggestive episode of unseen indecent exposure" but I guarantee that I will be taking off my rose-coloured glasses next time I let my morals slide enough to watch this movie. It is also nice to be directed to Eph. 5:18 and reminded that there is an incident of drunkenness in this film.

I've seen E.T. many times, but never did I realize how inappropriate this movie is. Clearly, I am so messed up that I did not see "riding a bike off the edge of a cliff" or the scene where Elliot covers his little sister's mouth as wanton violence/crime. I am relieved, however, to learn that the levitation in this movie is not sinister or evil. This is apparently much different from the levitation in Harry Potter, and I am not completely clear on the reasons why magic is OK when aliens perform it. I am probably just not meditating hard enough.

You can see the possibilities here. Next time I watch a scandalous movie like Star Wars I'll know what to look for. Just for starters, these movies mock the Scriptures, show the Force moving objects (again, I'm sure that this is somehow different from the levitation in E.T.), and show a so-called hero gutting a dead animal for warmth. It's been a while since I've felt quite so naughty.