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Sunday, November 16, 2008

The People’s Blog

Hear ye hear ye, blog is now in session; the Honourable Zach Bell presiding.

Thank you bolded text. You look pretty in that uniform today.

Well thank you pseudonym. I’ve been drinking a lot of slim fast lately.

Well it certainly shows. Alright, let’s see what we have on the docket today. Well…this is a blog so we don’t have any white trash, odd stories of sexual favours (Judge Wapner was hilarious) or people demanding that they get their $50 back for some reason or another. Really Megan…how have you maintained an audience without this stuff?

Well, I could go on about The People’s Court and how hilarious it was but I have the opportunity for so much more. This is Megan’s blog and I have it today. It’s all mine and no one can rip it away from my clammy hands! Really…my hands are always clammy. It’s gross and I have no idea what do about it. I’ve tried petting domesticated creatures firmly but that only provides temporary relief and the furry little creatures run away squealing, yelping or crying to mommy…whatever it is they do. Granted, the ones that cry to mommy are often complaining about how I took their ice cream cone or something but it’s all the same to me in the end. My hands are just terrible and responsible for upsetting people and pets alike.

When you get your hands on a blog that’s frankly better than yours though, you have to come up with something and honestly, the best I can do is clammy hands. I could talk about the whole Ralph Nader thing and his “uncle Tom” comment in regards to Obama…but I’m going to limit myself to one political post for the day and the whole “I DON’T WANNA CATCH YOUR GAY” thing in California kinda got my goat so I’ll do that later.

I suppose I could toss out some shameless promotion. I mean, you should definitely stop by my own blog and heap praise on me. Comments that do not contain any praise will not be deleted but do be aware that an angry gang of fuzzy kittens will be dispatched in short order to teach you the meaning of “angry blogger…with an army of kittens at his disposal.” Some of them are tabby.

One of the great things about blogging is that it can be done without an editor or censor. Anyone in most any corner of our planet can put their own unadulterated opinion out there for your perusal and you can read whatever you like. The blogosphere is truly a free market of ideas and though membership is about as easy to get as a glass of water, I’m truly quite happy to be a part of it. It’s really the only free market in existence today and you can get most any idea you want out there in the largest marketplace of ideas I have ever seen.

But here I am in danger of getting all serious and philosophical on you so let me end this post with a brief definition of Zach Bell. Zach Bell is a semi-pseudonym meant to maintain a thin veil of anonymity though you can easily find out who I am. Heck, “Zach Bell” is actually a portion of my real name. I’m a libertarian and I hate government. I have two wonderful step children and to break the ice with them when we first met four years ago, I destroyed a newspaper, half a bottle of ketchup and a yellow shirt I had so they could be pictured pretending to stab me with a ketchup covered knife as I maintained looks of shock and horror. It worked well as I am today the recipient of many hugs. Unfortunately, none of the pictures taken survived but this sounds to me like a project that could be rekindled on my own blog some day in the near future.

I hope you enjoy my posts and if you don’t, Megan will be back to apologize for her terrible mistake in allowing me to actually take control of her corner of the blogosphere for an entire day.

I can’t believe I actually segued through that entire post kind of half competently. I amaze me sometimes with my feats of irrelevance.