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Saturday, November 25, 2006

Canadian idiots



Lately I have been spending a lot of time wondering which I hate more: Canadians or Americans. I hate Canadians because they are so unbearably humourless and defensive, and I hate Americans because they are so unbearably hypocritical and stupid. But today I think we may have a winner: I definitely hate Canadians more.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like some Canadians just fine. But as a group, they are so unbelievably hoity-toity that I just want to vomit. You see, Canadians hate Americans. (As opposed to Americans, who just hate other Americans.)

This is probably going to be a huge shock to my readers south of the border, who think of Canadians as easy-going Americans with funny accents and colourful money. You are wrong. Canadians hate Americans. And why, you ask? They hate you because you don't know very much about them. I am not joking.

In Canada, this is unforgivable. We actually have comedians who do entire TV specials about how little you know about us. These specials blow their competition out of the water every time.

I don't know if Al Yankovic knew what he was getting himself into when he parodied Green Day's American Idiot with his song Canadian Idiot. But boy, oh boy, are the Canadians ever steamed. You thought Kazakhstan was mad at Borat. If Weird Al ventures north, he will be attacked by angry Canadians. If you thought the protests in the Middle East were horrifying, just wait until Weird Al is met at the border with stony silence. They will just give him a LOOK, and he will know how serious this is. When they walk past him, they won't say they're sorry. They will probably call for a Royal Commission, just to show that they mean business.

If you venture onto YouTube and look for other fan videos of this song, you will notice that the Canadians are making a concerted effort to make sure everyone knows how they feel about this slap in the face. Here are some exact quotes, which I swear I am not making up:

i find this song offencive, cause I AM CANADIAN!!!

WTF bitch wats with the canadian flag upsidedown ass. I dont care if its meant to be funny its just f[CENSORED]ing disrespectfull

wtf do you have against canadians. america is the county that sucks. there is nothing to be proud about of being a american so don't make fun of other country's when you're own sucks!

MONOPOLY MONEY?!?! A TOONEY AND LOONEY ARENT MONOPOLY MONEY!!! AND HOCKEY IS WHAT CANADA IS PROUD OF!! WHAT DOES AMERICA HAVE HUH?AND WE DONT BRING GUNS TO THE MALL CUZ WE NO WHAT NOT TO DO CUZ WE ARE SMART AND AL IS STUPID CUZ YOU CANT EXPORT SNOW AND AMERICANS HAVE ACCENTS TOO.NoT Only Celine Dion.we got AVRIL!>:D Haha.You americans live on McDONALS.Moose meat,nope,never even touched that stuff and im Canadian.


OK, um...how should I break it to these morons? Is it even worth pointing out that this song is making fun of Americans who don't know anything about Canadians?

1 comments:

Matthew Holsapple said...

I am reminded of Canadian Bacon...