Whacks on, uh...

Reader-submitted complaint: I don't know if we can be friends any more. The Hoff intimidates me.

Who, this guy?

I get this a lot, so you'll have to believe me when I say that I understand how you feel.

First, there's denial. You don't want to believe that anyone could be so sexy. You're afraid of your feelings, so you tell yourself that they're not real.

Next, there's anger. You lash out at me personally, blaming me for perpetuating an impossible standard. You know you'll never be as hot as David, and it upsets you.

Then you start bargaining. You tell yourself and others that it's possible to, for example, convince me to take him off my Facebook profile. It will never happen. You might as well hurry along to the next stage:

Depression sets in when you realise I'm not going to stop. You know you'll never be as hot as David, and it makes you sad. The key here is to stop eating onion dip straight from the container and get to the last stage:

Acceptance.

(Link possibly not safe for work.)