I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint

Reader-submitted complaint: Your blog has perverted my mind. The first thing I saw when I came here was a big picture of David Hasselhoff without any underwear on. I'm not sure why I came back. Then the other day I was talking to a friend about her church and she said she was into Christian discipline. I was certain she was going to tell me about her sadomasochistic rituals.

Oh...dear.

Who would have thought that a blog written by the most prudish person I know would arouse such perversions in its readers?

I really am the most prudish person I know. This is significant, because I know a lot of people who you might think would be candidates for this title. I'm not going to name names, because I'd get another reader-submitted complaint. (And the people who would complain about this are harsh. They don't restrict themselves to my disclaimer.)

Actually, I have to rephrase that. I'm not actually prudish. This has taken me a long time to figure out, but I am not a prude. Yes, I am in shock, too. I think I was happier before I knew this. I don't want to believe it.

I love you guys. I really do. I'm sorry that I've corrupted your lily-white minds. I didn't mean to do it.