You're filing a human-rights complaint? Not if I get there FIRST!

You probably didn't realise this, but we Canadians have a limitless ability to be offended. It is our new national pastime now that our hockey teams appear to be incapable of beating the (clearly inferior) American teams they are forced to play against.

Mike Myers' new movie is the latest thing to ruffle our feathers. It has not even been released yet, but we are already upset about it. You see, it is insulting to Hindus. It would be completely reasonable for a person to see this movie, think it is a realistic portrayal of the Hindu religion, and laugh at people who practise that religion. That's why it is entirely acceptable for people to take preemptive offense and claim that the movie is about their religion even when the filmmakers say it isn't. We support them in being offended.

Some people might claim that nobody would think a Mike Myers movie accurately reflects a real religion. We Canadians do not listen to these arguments. We sat by while Mr. Myers mocked many, many other people, and we simply can not accept it any more.

I mean, it was funny when he made fun of time-traveling Americans with scars:


That's hilarious. And we LOVED it when he mocked the English:


And the Scots:


And metalheads who live with their parents:


And Germans:


And Jewish mothers from New York:


Those things were all hilarious. This new movie none of us have seen, on the other hand, is OFFENSIVE TO SOMEONE'S RELIGION and it must be stopped. We are pretty sure that Hinduism is just like the movie, which would mean that Mr. Myers is exposing people to ridicule. That is one thing we definitely cannot accept from our comedians.