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Today's episode of Little Miss Know-it-All: I DID IT FIRST! YES, I DID! EVERYONE LOOK AT ME! I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST!

I am not sure if I should take any comfort from the fact that Russell Smith is aware that he makes me sick. His latest column begins with the words "It is unseemly for a reporter to gloat about a scoop, I know, but". Ugh. But nothing, Russell. Shut up.

Of course, he never does. Russell, you see, is ahead of the curve on all things related to journalism. In this case, he's years ahead. He pinpointed a trend in 2004! And the Associated Press is only seeing it NOW! What a bunch of duffers! They probably don't even wear pocket squares.

I am not a huge fan of "trendwatching" articles, but there is something about Russell's style that puts a crick in my neck. People are using l33tspeak now, and it's a huge relief to Russell. What if people hadn't picked up this trendy way of writing on teh internets? How embarrassing would THAT be? Fortunately, HE SAID IT FIRST!!! In 2004! Get that, everyone? Russell is SUPER COOL.

For once, I agree with Russell. This is truly an unseemly display.

Russell, apparently, has heard "clever boys in bars" saying "LOL". (Russell is in his forties, but still spends lots of time paying rapt attention to boys in bars.) First, what kind of moron says that? And who thinks that's clever? And how pathetic would a columnist have to be to think it was worthy of inclusion in the newspaper? Hold on -- I think we have our answer.

But wait! Russell's not through with his discussion of language!

Apparently, the word "nuanced" has a new meaning. It means, oddly enough, that something has a new meaning. Fear not: Russell stampedes to the rescue yet again. What would we do without him?

"Nuanced", dear friends, does not suggest that a word has a new meaning. It refers to a subtle distinction. I can understand why Russell would not be able to comprehend this, as he likes to metaphorically whack people over the head with his own smugness.

I, on the other hand, prefer to use sarcasm, irony and cultural references to insult people who never get the joke. Russell probably thinks I'm a huge fan.