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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Road Rage

I do not understand road rage.

And apparently I'm in the minority, because it seems like just about everyone else in the world is desperate to get as far as possible, as fast as possible.

This is pretty funny to watch, because "as far as possible" is really just to the next stoplight, so about two blocks. It's nothing short of ridiculous:

Get outta my way! Yeah, you heard me! My car's WAY COOLER than yours, and I'm gonna leave you in my dust. Dammit, who put this stoplight right here in the middle of the street? *drums fingers on steering wheel* Get outta my way! I'm gonna leave you in my dust AGAIN! Yee-haw! Who da man? Who da -- DAMMIT! Another stoplight!

I'm noticing this here in Florida, but it's even funnier at home in Name of Town Withheld. (I think I like this better than the actual name of my town. I might start using it.) It takes about ten minutes to drive from one end of Name of Town Withheld to the other. I don't drive very fast, and from time to time someone will whip past me and give me a dirty look. No problem. I just smile sweetly when we are side by side at the next light.

A few weeks ago, our local Newspaper of Record printed a letter to the editor from a resident who was concerned about drivers like me. I say "letter to the editor", but it was really an open letter that was printed as a public service. The letter was headlined "Don't speed -- just go the speed limit!" and there is really no need for me to go into the minute details of the person's argument in all of its exquisite intricacy. The paper's headline writers are just that good. You can imagine how chastened I felt when I read it. I bet this person shaves at least 17 seconds off her morning commute by increasing her speed from 33 kph to the speed limit of 35 kph.


Ben Holsapple said...

17 seconds, every day, twice a day, for the rest of your life. It's kinda like doing the Vulcan mind-meld with your soap. At the end of it all, you've got all that extra time (or soap) left over.

Steve & Megan said...

That would only work if you were able to start work 34 seconds earlier (or later) each day.

And WHAT are you doing with the soap??? Wait a minute. I don't think I want to know the details.

Miss Lyndsy said...

You didn't mention the people who, while at the stop light, creeeeep and creep and creepcreep—slamonthebrakes, thinking they're going to get to their destination faster. I can't wait until someone gets nicked because they're sitting in the middle of the intersection.

Torq said...

HA! I actually go through the physics equation in my head while I am driving. Soooo in order to get where I want to be in THIS about of time I need to be driving... 200 mhp? That can't be right... let me try that again!

The Capitalist said...

OK Meg, I started to write a response here, but soon realized it was gonna be a tad bit too long, so I'll post to my blog.

Steve & Megan said...

You mean you still have one?