Disney World is the perfect place to watch other mommies in action. There are a few distinct types:
- The pushy mommy: This mommy is forcing her child into the spotlight. When Captain Sparrow asks for volunteers to join his crew, this mommy holds her child's hand up high. She doesn't care whether Little Johnny wants to be a pirate. She wants pictures of him as a pirate, and nothing's going to stand in her way.
- The tired mommy: This is me. This mommy finds a playground and lets her kid play on the slides while she rests on a bench. She opens her eyes every five minutes or so, just to check that her child is still alive.
- The non-mommy: She's also at the playground, because she's not sure which rides she should take the kids on. She wants everyone to know that she's not the mommy, so she keeps yelling to the children in her care: "Hey Susie, be careful! Your mom will kill me if you get hurt! Don't play in the water -- I don't know if your mom packed you extra underwear!" Meanwhile, the real moms are thinking It's just water, moron.
- The homemaker mommy: She's the one with the giant bag. She paid a hundred bucks to get into the park, and she is not gonna pay another penny. She packed sandwiches ahead of time and they've been melting in the hot sun all day. It doesn't matter that she held up the line for 20 minutes while the security guard searched through the bag -- she is going to save five dollars if it kills her. Or if I kill her.
- The bad mommy: She's wearing the latest designer fashions and talking on her cell phone while her child toddles off in the other direction. She can also be found in the expensive restaurant where they charge $27.99 for the child's buffet, because she can't figure out how to amuse her child without Disney characters at the table.
- The bratty mommy: She's arguing with the waitress because she doesn't like getting so many quarters back with her change. Her 15-year-old daughters order from the kids' menu and shoot dirty looks at other patrons.