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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Mommies

Disney World is the perfect place to watch other mommies in action. There are a few distinct types:

  • The pushy mommy: This mommy is forcing her child into the spotlight. When Captain Sparrow asks for volunteers to join his crew, this mommy holds her child's hand up high. She doesn't care whether Little Johnny wants to be a pirate. She wants pictures of him as a pirate, and nothing's going to stand in her way.
  • The tired mommy: This is me. This mommy finds a playground and lets her kid play on the slides while she rests on a bench. She opens her eyes every five minutes or so, just to check that her child is still alive.
  • The non-mommy: She's also at the playground, because she's not sure which rides she should take the kids on. She wants everyone to know that she's not the mommy, so she keeps yelling to the children in her care: "Hey Susie, be careful! Your mom will kill me if you get hurt! Don't play in the water -- I don't know if your mom packed you extra underwear!" Meanwhile, the real moms are thinking It's just water, moron.
  • The homemaker mommy: She's the one with the giant bag. She paid a hundred bucks to get into the park, and she is not gonna pay another penny. She packed sandwiches ahead of time and they've been melting in the hot sun all day. It doesn't matter that she held up the line for 20 minutes while the security guard searched through the bag -- she is going to save five dollars if it kills her. Or if I kill her.
  • The bad mommy: She's wearing the latest designer fashions and talking on her cell phone while her child toddles off in the other direction. She can also be found in the expensive restaurant where they charge $27.99 for the child's buffet, because she can't figure out how to amuse her child without Disney characters at the table.
  • The bratty mommy: She's arguing with the waitress because she doesn't like getting so many quarters back with her change. Her 15-year-old daughters order from the kids' menu and shoot dirty looks at other patrons.

9 comments:

Miss Lyndsy said...

And the mommy you never see:

The Bitchy Mom: She won't give her children (and there are probably twelve of them because she doesn't understand birth control) the time of day except to scream at them. You never see her because her children don't deserve to meet Mickey...and neither does she.

Cin said...

Sorry, but the birth control comment is both offensive and dead wrong.

I'm not stupid or bitchy, but I wouldn't put a chemical derived from horse, cow and pig ovaries in my body. There are smarter ways to regulate family size than to let Big Pharnma do it.

(For the record, I don't use any artificial methiods of birth control. I have three wonderful, fairly well-behaved kids.)

And I know about 5 women with 12 kids. They are exceptionally good mothers.

I'm just so sick and tired of people thinking you're a bad mom if you have more than 2 kids or don't want to take your kids to meet Mickey.

Megan, your descriptions of the parents at Disney World are awesome. The Bad Mom reminded me of the book The Nanny Diaries. Tooooo funny.

I'm glad you guys are having so much fun. You all needed a good break. Miss you!

The Blueberry Princess said...

My mom was one of 15 kids: 5 boys and 10 girls!! This is one of the reasons that there are going to be so many guests at my wedding. They have an absolutely amazing family. They are all extremely close, and contrary to popular and often incorrect opinion about large families, they are all also very intelligent. I never got the chance to meet my grandparents, but I have heard many stories about how loving and caring they were to each of their 15 kids. I hope that if I am blessed to be a mother that I can be as good of a mother as my grandmother was, and I hope that I am also blessed with many children (though maybe not that many)!

Kevin Holsapple said...

WE'VE GOT A FUTURE!

Steve & Megan said...

Just wait until those labour pains hit.

Ever get a cramp in your foot? The kind that wakes you up and makes you scream in agony?

It's just like that.

Oh, except for three things:
1) It's not in your five-inch foot. It's in your belly, which is now the size of a basketball.
2) The pain doesn't stop when you stand up to stretch the muscle. It keeps going for up to a minute at a time.
3) It comes back every five to ten minutes for thirty hours.

One child is plenty, thanks!

Cin said...

Now, Megan, you forgot about the puking during labour -- or wait, is that just me?

Blueberry Princess, may you be very blessed. :-) My three are worth every labour pain and the 3 C-sections.

Megan -- yeah, it hurts. So? (Borrowing your dad's voice) The Crucifixtion hurt more. ;-)

Kevin Holsapple said...

With the number of horror stories we hear all our lives about giving birth, it is no wonder that we find it so frightening! It is helpful to know that some mothers do not have any pain at all.

Have confidence in your body and the process. After all, you and all the mammals on earth were designed to do this.

It will be hard work, very hard work, that's why they call it labour.

Mom

Steve & Megan said...

I left out the puking on purpose because my experience pales in comparison to Cin's. Plus, I'm not sure that my puking story is typical.

I was very very sick every day for the first four months. I had to change my hours of work. When I wasn't vomiting, there was vomit at the base of my throat. The nausea lifted around month four, but there was damage to my larynx. I could barely speak for about six months, and my voice still sounds different. I have audio files from throughout that time, and one day I'll post them. I also have a tickle in my throat that never goes away no matter how hard I cough. Basically, my radio career is dead.

My mom, on the other hand, says that there is no pain during labour, only pressure.

Cin said...

Megan, I'm convinced you had HG. It just ended sooner.

Cin