I admit it: I was wrong

It turns out that I do have dieting advice after all; I just didn't realise it until I heard back from a few people. I also didn't realise just how interested some of my readers would be in the details.

When I said that I don't have any weight-loss secrets, I meant that everything the dietitians say is true. It's not about fads or carb counting: it all comes down to calories.

That's not to say that low-carb or fad diets don't work, but they work by restricting the number of calories you take in. A diet that simply substitutes lower-carb versions of the things you're already eating won't make you lose weight unless the substitutes are also lower in calories. You can, however, lose weight by eating chicken, fish and vegetables if that's what you prefer to eat. I just don't think it's realistic to think that you can cut all carbohydrates out of your diet long-term or eat only purple food or cabbage soup or whatever weird thing is the latest rage.

The right number of calories is different for each person, but a dietitian can help you figure out what that number is for you. You can also sign up with a free dieting website like the SELF Challenge. I used to eat around 1400 a day, and I'm still trying to figure out how many I need to maintain my current weight. The number of calories is important: if you eat too many or too few, you won't lose weight. At around 1200 a day, your body goes into starvation mode and clings to every ounce. You get all of the deprivation with none of the weight loss. Basically, it's a very, very bad scene, so always eat more than 1200 a day. Remember that you'll have to add calories if you're exercising, so 1400 is probably the safest lower level if you're a woman. You can always eat more than this if you're hungry, but don't eat less.

While weight loss is all about calories, on an hour-to-hour basis you'll worry more about whether you feel deprived and hungry. You could lose weight eating nothing but Big Macs, but you'll probably feel like crap if you do that. The two things to keep track of are protein and fiber. Both will keep you full longer, so eat as much low-fat meat and whole grains as you can. I ate a lot of chicken breast marinated in different sauces and barbecued.

I was careful not to feel like I was missing out on anything. If I really, really wanted something, I ate it. But I'd be smarter about the way I ate it. I knew that I could have 100 calories' worth of anything, as long as it was just 100 calories. I bought tiny chocolate bars and ate one every night.

The things to avoid are all of the things you already know you shouldn't be eating: fried food, cheese, processed meats, fatty sauces. That slice of cheese on your sandwich is 100 calories, and it's not nearly as tasty as a tiny candy bar. If you cut out cheese (I had to), make sure you get some milk in your diet, preferably skim. For some reason, milk helps you to lose weight. I don't understand it, but it really does work. I don't like to drink milk, so I swapped a nonfat latte for my daily midmorning coffee. It was more expensive, but it was worth it.

Many people have asked me what sort of exercise I do. The answer is that I don't, really. I've always walked to work and home again, and I really don't do much else. Although everyone talks about "diet and exercise", it's much easier to cut calories out of your diet than it is to add the same number of calories' worth of exercise. You can cut 500 calories a day by drinking diet Coke instead of regular and cutting back on the butter you put on your (whole grain) toast. To burn 500 calories, you'll have to hit the gym for ages. Not really my style.

I often see ads in magazines touting pills that can make you lose weight. I don't know if they work, but I do know that you don't need them. Those snake-oil peddlers may try to convince you that they can make you lose five or ten pounds a week, but it's not possible. You can lose one or two pounds of fat a week, no more. It is possible to think you've lost more than that though water loss, but it will only be temporary: your body needs a certain amount of water to stay healthy. The water will come back, so there's really no point in wasting your time or money on diuretics.

The last thing I'll mention is that the scale can drive you crazy. For the first three months, I didn't step on a scale at all. I went entirely by waist, hip and thigh measurements. The scale can trick you into believing that you haven't made any progress when you've actually gained muscle. If you have to go by the scale, weigh yourself once a week, not every day. You will see normal daily fluctuations, but they won't seem like fluctuations, they'll seem like OH MY GOD I'VE GAINED TWO POUNDS SINCE YESTERDAY!! I'M A FAT LOSER AND NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE ME!!! It's not a healthy way to think about your efforts to eat better. And honestly, it's all about being healthy. You probably will never look like the people on TV, so just focus on getting to the size that's right for you.

Maybe I could write a book, after all.

It keeps going and going and going and going....

One day when I was about nine years old, my father killed all, or almost all, of the chickens in our coop.

Although my brothers, the capitalist and philosopher king, actually helped with the slaughter, I couldn't bear it. One of them brought the chickens out of the coop two at a time, one in each hand. My dad chopped their heads off and hung them upside down to bleed out. The other helped my mom gut them. I remember the pile of scaly yellow chicken feet.

Chickens do not run around when their heads are cut off. I didn't watch the whole thing -- I mostly cowered in the corner with my eyes covered -- but I did see enough to reassure you that they don't run. They do flop around quite a bit, though, and then the headless corpses get very still.

It was all very horrible. I'm sure the ground was stained with blood. But it was a good lesson for all of us: if we are going to eat meat, animals have to die. I can't excuse people who kill animals for sport or who waste parts of animals.

Regular readers know where I'm going with this.

The latest news is that the premiers of Newfoundland and Nunavut are asking the federal government to ban the use of hakapiks in the seal hunt.

Hakapiks aren't nice, but they are very useful to the minority of sealers who use them to kill seals. One end is used to crush the seal's skull, killing it instantly. The other side has a spike that can be used to drag the carcass along the ice.

Yeah, it's pretty awful to think about it.

Most sealers don't kill seals with a hakapik, but it has become an enduring image of brutality. Danny Williams and Paul Okalik are hoping that by banning its use, the European Union will not ban Canadian seal products in an upcoming vote.

I'm not convinced that this will work. Anti-sealing protesters don't spend much time worrying about Canadian laws. They still pretend that whitecoats are killed. Their main goal is to draw attention to themselves and raise money, and they're not shy about breaking our laws to meet that goal. The point is not to be reasonable or honest about what actually happens out on the ice.

I've seen photos of baby seals all my life in anti-sealing propaganda. They're powerful images, and so are photos of hakapiks. Admit it: you shuddered at the sight of that spike. The activists will never stop using that image. They have plenty of footage of it being used, and there is no reason for them to stop.

So while I applaud Premiers Williams and Okalik for trying to meet their critics halfway, this is not really about the hakapik. The activists aren't trying to get sealers to stop using this tool: most seals are shot to death, anyway. They're trying to get money out of your pocket.

No secrets here

RIP Teamakers

Ouimet, anonymous CBC blogger, is quitting Teamakers. Really.

Teamakers was one of the best Canadian blogs written under a pseudonym, but it's had trouble establishing its identity over the past few years. It started as one of many "lockout blogs" during the CBC's labour dispute in 2005 -- with one important distinction. Instead of blogging about what it was like to be an employee who was locked out, Ouimet wrote about what it was like to be a member of the management team that was responsible for locking people out. One of the most memorable lines from those early weeks was "You guys may be locked out, but I'm locked in."

There were a lot of critics at first, including people who suspected that Ouimet was a management plant who was just trying to draw people out so they could be fired. I still believe that he was just lonely and frustrated and wanted to write about the way he was feeling. It created an online community of people who hated Big Management but felt great solidarity with this one anonymous person.

Many of the lockout blogs were shut down after the lockout ended: they were created for a certain time and place and didn't have staying power. But Teamakers kept going. I get the feeling that it was more and more stressful for him to stay anonymous. Every once in a while he would talk about the lockout, as if to try to take back that feeling of connectedness with his readers. It never really came. Teamakers became a place to complain about the CBC and make rude anonymous comments about management.

I'm not against complaints, but I don't like rude anonymous comments. The readers who stayed with Ouimet tended to be on the far side of weird. He linked to me once, and I got a crush of visitors from the Toronto Broadcasting Centre, including one who let loose on me with a stream of disjointed accusations against CBC management and finished with "People like you just don't like dissenting opinions, and that's too f@#%in' bad." (I still don't understand why people stay in jobs they hate, working for bosses they hate and dripping bile all over everyone who suggests they do something to make their situations more tolerable.)

I kept reading, though. Teamakers offered a perspective I couldn't get anywhere else: a manager who oozed with disdain for management, or at least worked pretty hard to seem that way. I think he was trapped in a no-win situation. He couldn't write about the things the CBC was doing well without seeming like a management shill to the few hard-core readers he had left. He can't really hate CBC management as much as he pretends to. He couldn't become just another CBC blogger like John Gushue or Paul Gorbould, because that would mean outing himself as Ouimet. Every blog eventually ends, and I think Teamakers has more than run its course.

Ouimet was a great writer, though, so I hope he starts a new blog. I really enjoy reading CBC blogs, and I think that, freed of the baggage that was "Ouimet", he'd be great.

RIP Teamakers. But here's to your continued presence in the blogosphere, anonymous management blogger.

Everybody cut, everybody cut...

Dear everyone,

I saw a play with my mom and dad. And there was a guy who looked like my grampy. And he was a minister like my grampy! But he didn't like dancing. He only liked going to church and bossing people around. But in the end he changed his mind.

From Michael

Goodbye, old clothes

Sixty pounds later, it was time to really clean out my closet. The old clothes are no longer in the house. Big Pile #1 is gone. Big Pile #2 is gone. The bottom drawer is almost empty. I say "almost" because I did not want to throw away these ginormous pants or what I used to think of as my "skinny jeans". I think it'll be good for me to have the pants around, and I am still a cheapskate who cannot throw away jeans that are only a size too big.

I'm not sure why I kept the old clothes around for so long. I would make plans to get rid of them, but I'd never do it.

This is all still very hard for me to believe. A lot of people want to talk to me about diet issues now, and I know that many of them have a lot of trouble losing weight. People are constantly asking me for advice. Not here on the blog -- most of you have never met me -- but people who know me seem to feel freer to talk about dieting than they did before. Maybe they were worried I would take it as a subtle suggestion that I needed a diet.

For me, the key was portion control: I used to eat healthy food, but I ate too much of it. When I cut back to a normal portion, I didn't miss the rest of it. I also made sure to treat myself every day with a little bit of chocolate or something else. I never felt deprived because if I wanted to eat something, I ate it. I can't promise that this will work for you, but it's what worked for me. I have friends who've done very well with low-carb diets or Weight Watchers, too. It all really comes down to calorie counting, but if Weight Watchers makes it easier for you and it's something you really want, go for it. Make sure you're doing it for yourself, not because you think someone else wants it. There will always be someone who is thinner than you are, and it's not healthy to measure yourself against other people, anyway. And remember that you can't change certain things about yourself. I was curvy last June, and I'm still curvy. I will never be "thin" in the same way some other women are.

I started doing this through the SELF Challenge, which is a free three-month eating plan. It was really my sister-in-law's idea: she was doing it and was looking for an online buddy, so I volunteered to sign up with her. Thanks, Princess. :)

I'm going to do these all at once

Reader-submitted question: Is it really illegal to kill baby seals in Canada?

Yes. It's illegal to sell, trade or barter the pelts of baby seals. PETA is lying to you. Nobody is killing those beautiful white baby seals you saw in that video.

Reader-submitted question: Do Canadian sealers skin seals alive?

No. They can't skin live seals. And they can't leave the animals to choke in their own blood, either. They have to make sure the seals are dead right away. If it turns out that one is still alive, they have to make sure it dies. They can either check to make sure the skull is crushed or do a blink test: that means that they touch the eyeball. If the seal blinks, it needs another whack on the head.

Reader-submitted question: Do seals get whacked on the head right there on the ice where the babies are?

It depends. Seals can't be hunted in the whelping patch, even if only adults are killed. But after a certain amount of time goes by and the young seals lose their white pelts, they can be killed on the ice. They are not all whacked on the head, although that gets all of the attention because it seems a lot more brutal than shooting. Seals can be killed with a club, a gun or a hakapik -- a club with a spike on the end.

Reader-submitted complaint: That's horrible.

You're right. It's not very nice to think about the way any animal is killed, especially during large-scale commercial slaughters.

Okay, so maybe I don’t LIKE classical, but it makes me feel smarter than you!

I don’t mean to spend so much time picking on Russell Smith (full archive of Russell-bashing posts available here), but he makes it much too easy.

He’s still upset about the changes to Radio 2. It’s been a few weeks now, and cracks are starting to show. Gleefully, he points to a set of talking points that have surfaced, including the woefully bad “Let’s not confuse quality of music with style of music”.

Talking points are normal – every organization develops them, and if they don’t, they should – but this line isn’t great. CBC executives should have stopped parroting it as soon as the list was leaked. But then, it’s not as if the MotherCorp takes my free communications advice anyway.

This phrase is the smoking gun! Those clumsy oafs at the CBC had no idea that they would be stumbling into the piercing light of Russell’s scrutiny. Obviously, by pointing out that there is excellent Canadian music in all genres, they are REALLY saying that Britney Spears is just as good as Bach! There’s no other way to interpret their talking points. NOW they look stupid, don’t they?

Russell’s work for the day is clearly done. He’ll take a nonfat lattemochaspressachino with extra sprinkles, please.

But of course, he needs to continue for a few hundred more words. And this is my favourite part, because it’s the most revealing. Russell’s looking for a way to quantify artistic value. His preferred method is to determine each song’s complexity, which he informs us means that only certain people – those who put real work into it – can appreciate his favourite music. Not like those low-brow songs ANYONE can like without understanding the historical references.

Ah. So again, it’s not about whether the music is good, but about whether he can congratulate himself for listening to it. Radio 2 used to offer him a sense of distinction. Now I understand why he’s so upset about the changes.

Shoulder to the wheel for someone else’s selfish gain

One day when I was 13 years old, my gym teacher lined up all of the girls in my class and weighed us.

It has been many years, but I remember two numbers from that day. I weighed 128 pounds, but according to the gym teacher’s chart I was supposed to weigh 110 pounds.

Yes, you should be sickened by my inherent fatness and ugliness. I’m not sure why you’re still reading this. I’m a fatty and shouldn’t have a voice in our society. Just by writing about it, I am glamorising obesity.

I was not fat. I know this because I weigh about the same now as I did then, and I am not fat. This is easy for me to say now that I don’t have someone staring at me and judging the numbers on the scale, but if I could reassure my 13-year-old self that it’s OK to be curvy, I would.

I am truly sickened by the insults that have been thrown this 17-year-old beauty queen’s way. I really don’t understand why newspapers feel they have to be so nasty. The bikini she’s required to wear is not good for her body type, but she’s a very pretty girl.

I do not like beauty pageants anyway, but this is really going over the top. How can it possibly be OK for a medical professional to insult a teenager for saying “All I wanted to do by entering this pageant was to send a message out to young girls that it is fine NOT to be a size zero”?

Somehow I doubt that anyone is going to look at Miss Surrey and decide to eat extra hamburgers to get to the same size. But young women who feel they can never be a size zero might see her as a role model.

Again, I hate beauty contests. They are degrading. And yes, she has put herself out there to be judged on her physical appearance. But I just can’t agree that shuddering and calling her fat is an acceptable way for a dietitian to react to Chloe Marshall's win in Surrey.

Two thongs usually don't make a right, but...

How TIRING it all is!

Reader-submitted complaint: what a bitter, sad lady you are...

AHAHAHAHAHA.

That's all you've got? I expected much, much more from you: at least a semicolon or two, a capital letter and a few subordinate clauses. Are your fingers tired from sending anonymous messages to all of the people who thought your last column was ridiculous?

Really, you need to do a better job of responding to your critics if you want to call yourself a writer. Especially if you're a narcissist who's going to come here every single day through a Google search for your own name. I'm just giving you a fair warning. You definitely don't have to come here if you don't like what I say.

Since you didn't provide one, I will do my own critique of that post in your typical style. Consider it a gift.

Megan, who apparently does not see fit to blog under her full name even though this could be determined with even the slightest bit of effort (although I choose not to expend it; life as a Toronto columnist is very arduous), has submitted an assessment of my latest column, in which I, defender of all that is virtuous about Canadian journalism, dared to challenge the dogma which states that blogging is preferable to true journalism printed in the newspaper.

I don't know why I bother to read critiques from anonymous writers, although in retrospect, I suppose that if I truly wanted to avoid that sort of writing I would stop Googling myself on a daily basis. Clearly, that's not an option.

This "Megan" fancies herself a writer, but clearly she is not serious about it, or she would be a Real Writer like I am instead of an anonymous person on the Internet. I've written books, and I publish them under my own name. Not like people on the Internet, where there are no rules and where real journalists definitely wouldn't write anything at all.

Clearly, this "Megan" has never heard of The Long Tail, or she would have referenced it in her rambling, unfocused treatise. This groundbreaking new idea is fresh out of Harvard, I think. All of the cool people are talking about it, which is probably why "Megan" doesn't seem to know what it is: it is simply out of her realm for now. I, of course, am an early adopter, and I totally GET these new ideas and their implications for journalism in our society. I also note that she does not have a Wikipedia page, so I think you know what that means.

But I am not hurt by the criticism. Not at all. In fact, I don't care. I don't care so much that I am leaving anonymous messages of the kind you might hear in a bar, where I, naturally, spend a lot of time paying rapt attention to cool boys who say things like "LOL" out loud. It's RESEARCH. I hope to use this information to convince my counterparts, using colourful anecdotes, of the necessity of staying current, so as to better attract the younger generation to our newspaper. For example, there is nothing more "hip" and "now" than classical music, which is why I railed against the CBC's plans to scale back its classical programming, and blogging is certainly, if not already, going the way of the dodo bird, which is why I completely don't care if some nobody in the blogosphere thinks I'm not a very good writer.

Thanks for stopping by, Russell.

Michael: Paleontology Expert

Dear everyone,

Dinosaurs lived a LONG LONG time ago. They died and all their skin went away and then they were dead for so long that it was only their bones left and sometimes they would turn into fossils. Scientists don't know why they died. But lots of them think a meteor crashed into the earth and put a lot of dust in the air and all the plants and trees died so the dinosaurs couldn't live. And they all died and some of them went into fossils. But here's the funny thing: Some animals didn't die! Some scientists think they hid until it was safe to come out again.

From Michael

Any Star Trek fans out there?

Don't let me down

Reader-submitted question: On the subject of Russell Smith....What? No comment on yesterday's column, Way more news sites, way less news? Seems to me to be kind of right up your alley.

I am too predictable. I saw that column and thought seriously about doing a post, but was too tired earlier in the week.

This column is actually much more than I usually expect from Russell, by which I mean that it is still not very good, but well within the standards of the Globe's new Arts section. I can understand why our Newspaper of Record would want to publish it: It is essentially a space-filler about the importance of the Newspaper of Record. What a coincidence!

It's fortunate that we have Russell and the Project for Excellence in Journalism to bring us breaking news like:

1. There are a LOT of websites and blogs.
2. Most of these do not do a lot of original research. Instead, they provide commentary on or links to real news sites.
3. These websites focus on the things their readers want to read about.
4. Although the Project is not cool enough to mention sites like Digg, Russell definitely is. Digg him, please! Remember, it's a "new phenomenon", so Russell is TOTALLY THERE. (Did Russell just notice that site, or does he really think it's new?)
   

Wow. I can only guess how much this report must have cost. This level of analysis is definitely unusual and deserves a LOT of media coverage. Who would have thought that websites focus on the things their readers want to read about?

Naturally, when the nasty little underbelly of the Internet is exposed in such a dramatic fashion, it is cause for much glee. I don't really like the term "mainstream media" because it's so contemptuous and neglects the important role of large news organizations, but if Russell wants to apply that term to himself, I suppose I can't argue with him.

You see, the mainstream media is MUCH more important than blogs. MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more important. All you need is some foot-stomping to really make that point. The true innovators are the people who work for newspapers. Why, you might ask? Because they have blogs and allow comments on their stories, just like bloggers do!

I'm scratching my head. I thought Russell was saying that blogs aren't important. Yet, somehow, he sees them as proof that newspapers are cool. It's a simple rule of thumb: Blogs written by reporters are good. Blogs written by non-reporters are bad. That's pretty easy to remember, isn't it?

I really wish that newspaper folks weren't so defensive about the effect blogging has had on their industry. There will always be a role for journalism. Nobody is pretending that the majority of bloggers do their own research. As the Project points out, most simply provide commentary or a local spin on things a journalist has already reported. I'm not sure how that makes them bad. It's the same role columnists, pundits and editorial writers have always filled. It is true that the quality of this analysis varies widely, but that's the case for newspapers, too.

The rapid increase in the number of blogs does not threaten journalism. It has had a significant effect on traditional media models, but not on journalism itself. One day, journalists will see that.

Thanks for your question.

If I could only read your mind, tell me the answer I would find

Reader-submitted question: How do you know what people search for?

I have a site meter. Actually, I have a couple of site meters, the better to spy on you with. I know every single sexual fantasy you have while you're on my site. (Perverts.)

For example, we have this person, who searches for her own name every frickin' day:

Rebecca, you're a loser. Nobody's talking about you. Seriously, we don't care about you, and we don't think about you except to take pity on your child because of the way you talk about her.

My site meters tell me all about the people who read my blog. I keep an eye on them to see which posts get the most attention. That way, I can write things I know you will want to read. I also look at which links you click on. For example, I think the new list of posts over on the right is working better than the old links list I used to have. A quick primer: If you're only interested in the blogs that were on that old list, they are in the "Awesome posts from people I actually know" box. The "You also might like" box includes new posts from other bloggers I read. Both boxes continuously refresh themselves, so all of those links will bring you to new material. My old list of links included a number of bloggers who only publish new material every once in a while.

I can also tell how you get here. Most of my readers have me bookmarked, but I have about 30 RSS subscribers. Others come in through links from other blogs. Almost all of those readers come through one of these sites:
Just Below 63
Way Way Up
The Big American Zero
Townie Bastard
Cute With Chris: Craig Gallery (Every day, I get several hits to a silly post I put up months ago)

And then there are the Google and Technorati searchers. I get a kick out of these guys, but I don't usually write posts based on their searches. I figure they're probably not going to stay long, but if they like me enough to come back, that's great.

Thanks for your question.

Choose Your Own Blogventure

I didn't participate, but I think you'll enjoy Choose Your Own Blogventure, from Nancy Pearl Wannabe.

Google search terms that bring first-time readers here

• Russell Smith (Vanity searches, I'm sure.)
• Rebecca Eckler (Ditto.)
• karaoke (My dad is now famous.)
• Danny Williams (w00t!)
• break the silence, damn the dark damn the night (Welcome, fetishists.)
• reflections in the snow covered hill (Am I gaining a following, or is this another fetishist?)
• megan page naked (I bet this person was disappointed.)
• iqaluit prostitutes (Perv.)

"Tell Gucci to stop clubbing baby seals"

Today's episode of Little Miss Know-it-All: Propaganda.

There's been a lot of talk in the northern blogosphere lately about PETA's disingenuous efforts to take down the sealing industry. I've been pretty clear that I think they're in the wrong. But I have to say that they definitely know what they're doing.

PETA's annual campaigns are not about saving baby seals. They haven't been for years. Their annual campaigns are about raising money, and they're pretty successful.

You see, it's illegal to kill whitecoat pups. The video footage PETA provides to news agencies makes it look like sealers are clubbing pups right now, but the footage was shot decades ago. Most seals aren't clubbed, either; they're killed with a single bullet. They are, however, often dragged across the ice with a large hook after they are killed, and that doesn't look very nice on TV.

Seals are not skinned alive. This one doesn't even make sense. A sealer who's just after an animal's skin would not risk damage to the skin by trying to take it off a living animal if a whack on the head would stop the flailing. (See, PETA doesn't have a monopoly on gruesome discussions.)

But this is not and never was about the facts. That baby seal on a pristine ice floe is a pretty amazing image, and blood shows up really well on ice. All of the killing takes place in a few weeks, so the corpses pile up quickly. The sealers never had a chance once PETA figured out they could use whitecoats to raise money.

You see, there are many, many animals that are treated worse than seals. They live terrible lives and die terrible deaths. I'm thinking specifically of chickens, but any animal that lives on a large farm will do. Chickens don't bring in donations. City people eat chickens. They don't want to hear about their sweat-shop eggs. It's much easier to ask Newfoundlanders to give up their livelihood than to stop eating eggs.

Did you know that live male baby chicks are thrown into grinders and turned into food for other animals? Did you know that chickens will literally peck each other to death? Did you know that they live in horrendous conditions and that blood pours all over the slaughterhouse floor? Yeah, that's pretty horrible, and it all really happens. It's too bad they're not pretty on TV, and it's too bad that you could actually do something about it by just refusing to eat chicken or eggs instead of giving money to an animal-rights organization. Obviously, chickens can't be the face of a fundraising campaign.

PETA is not trying to be fair. They never are. They are trying to get you to donate money, so they can hire more staff to convince you to donate even more money. It's all about self-interest, and I don't blame them for wanting more money. I want more money, too. I only blame them for lying to you.

PETA has some good ads. I especially like the ones that are obviously supposed to be funny, like this series. They're well-written and make you think. The sealing ads, on the other hand, are not about making you think. If you actually thought about the sealing hunt, you would realise that PETA's been lying to you for years, and you would stop giving them money. They can't have that.

Happy April Fools' Day

On April 1, 2001, I received an irate call at home from a loyal CBC listener. He was furious -- absolutely furious -- about our morning-show host. He explained that our host had been very rude to Ronald Reagan that morning.

I hadn't heard the interview, but I was very confused. For starters, Ronald Reagan wasn't exactly huge news in the NWT. I couldn't figure out why he'd be doing interviews. For another thing, it was Sunday. We didn't have a morning show on Sundays. It had to be our regular weekend host, who was a bit of an interesting character but not the type to openly insult a president on air. The listener insisted that it was our regular morning-show host.

It wasn't, and it wasn't Ronald Reagan. It wasn't even Jimmy Carter. But the fellow who called me wasn't the only one to make that mistake.

Rick Mercer visits Name of Town Withheld

No matter where you live, you definitely want to watch this video.

Non-Canadians: Rick Mercer is a political satirist from the same town Steve and I are from. He is the Canadian version of Jon Stewart. There are very few famous Canadians, but I think he might qualify.

Happy birthday, Sarah

Repost: Seal Hunt

This is a repost from last spring. I am joining my fellow northern bloggers to protest the protesters. If you read nothing other than this blog post, please check out Way Way Up.

You're so cute, I think I'll bash in your head.

Well, except for that nasty business about how it's illegal to kill seal pups. They are so much cuter than the ones that actually get killed!

While we were in Florida, we saw a group of naked people standing near the road shouting at cars. It was the first time I'd ever seen such a thing. People don't strip for their pet causes in Name of Town Withheld. I was trying to size them up without being too obvious about it, because of course people who are naked don't want a lot of attention. I realized that they were holding signs that said I'd rather be naked than wear fur. Yuck. Suddenly I wasn't interested in looking at them, no matter how naked they were.

A few weeks ago, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to the mayors of all Canadian capitals, asking them to lower their flags to half-staff out of respect for the seals that will be killed during this year's commercial hunt off Newfoundland.

HAHAHAHAHA. I know, it's already hilarious.

The best part is that Iqaluit is one of the Canadian capitals. If you've never heard of Iqaluit, please watch this video a friend of mine made during a trip through town (it is less than one minute long):

So you can imagine how this letter went over in Iqaluit. (It's more fun to imagine how it went over in St. John's -- go, Danny, go! -- but I have a northern perspective these days.) Sealing has been a way of life in Nunavut and Newfoundland for hundreds of years.

Iqaluit city council reacted much more maturely than I would have. They invited PETA to visit the north to learn how anti-sealing campaigns hurt the Inuit.

As it turns out, this actually had some effect on the PETA spokesperson. When CBC called him, he said, "No one, not even PETA, has a quarrel with native people who truly have no choice but to hunt in order to survive."

Now, this is an interesting take. Because the Inuit don't NEED to take part in the commercial seal hunt any more than Newfoundlanders do. The commercial hunt's not about surviving in the way the PETA fellow would like you to believe. And PETA's lurid campaigns have nothing to do with subsistence hunting -- the guy who shoots a seal, brings it home and eats it. Those blood-drenched commercials are focused on stopping the commercial hunt and reducing the market for seal pelts, meat and body parts.

Boy oh boy, is it ever easy to sit in the city and pass judgment on the people from a completely foreign culture. The commercial hunt is seasonal work. It's tough, it's bloody, and it's dangerous. Right now, 39 sealing boats are trapped in the ice near Newfoundland. People don't do this because they're sickos who like to kill animals, and they don't do it so they can eat seal meat all year long. They do it for the same reason other people have jobs: to get money to pay the bills, because there's no other work. PETA doesn't think of this as "hunting in order to survive", but the fishermen do.

Seals are an easy target for PETA for three reasons:

1. They're cute when they're babies;
2. They're killed on the ice, which makes a nice contrast for blood; and
3. The only people who have a real stake in the industry are destitute fishermen with no other job options.
   

If you've ever seen a sealskin, you know that adult seals are not cute. And they're not nice, or quiet, or docile. They will rip your face off. If you were ever face to face with an adult seal, you'd reach for the hakapik too. And yes, it's pretty horrible to see the pristine ice covered with blood. Nobody likes that. But it's a bit disingenuous to pretend that you wouldn't see much more blood if you put a white sheet down in a slaughterhouse. And I think #3 makes me madder than the other two.

My buddy Danny Williams has been the most vocal opponent of the anti-seal lobby. He appeared on Larry King Live with Paul McCartney about a year ago. Here's the transcript -- sorry, I don't have a YouTube link. The worst part of this, for me, was Sir Paul's utter ignorance about why people would kill seals. He feels that they don't make very much money, so they should just stop. The program revealed that the usual paycheque for a season of sealing is $10,000 to $20,000 for every member of the crew.

Now, I can understand that Sir Paul doesn't think this is very much money, but it's a heck of a lot for the rest of us. So I have a solution that would stop the entire industry and put clothes on the backs of those poor protesters in Florida: Sir Paul could pay each potential sealer $20,000 per year to sit at home and not kill seals. This would shut down the commercial hunt and PETA could count it as a "win".

But of course, this would never happen, because it would require the same kind of sacrifice from Sir Paul that he's demanding from the people of Newfoundland and Nunavut.

Logos of the South

Phil (who now produces the show I blogged about a few days ago) has a Logos of the North series, so this will be Logos of the South. Actually, just one logo.

I had to take a picture of this truck the other day because the logo caught my eye. It's an Inuk scurrying back to his igloo with a palm tree. I feel like I'm missing something. I guess it means that this truck company will bring anything to anyone, anywhere, but I'm just not feeling it. It seems really out of place in Florida.

Name of Paper Withheld is BACK

Today's episode of Little Miss Know-it-All: Pull quotes.

It's been a while since I mentioned Name of Paper Withheld: they've been satisfyingly mediocre for the past couple of months and haven't deserved my wrath. However, this lovely pull quote on the front page of today's paper is just ridiculous.

Pull quotes are short quotes from the body of a story, presented in larger font as part of the overall page design. They're a great way to pull readers into a story, especially a story that's a bit hard to understand at first. They can also pull readers into the entire newspaper by featuring the best thing that's been said since the last edition hit the streets. They are the print equivalent of the quotes that air just before the TV news begins. They're dynamic and exciting, and can set the tone for the reader. The idea is to showcase your very best material in hopes of pulling more people into the paper. A really good quote on the front page can even convince people to buy the paper. It sums up the best story of the day in a handful of words. It can be a beautiful thing. Think "I am not a crook" or "We will be greeted as liberators".

Now, let's break down the best thing Name of Paper Withheld thinks it has: "I'd far prefer to honour them than these birds."

Hmmm. I'm not feeling it. Anyone else? For starters, there's no context here. I need to figure out what this person is talking about before I can decide if it's a good quote. That's a problem.

Never fear: It turns out that it's a quote from one of our city councillors, who apparently has a "preference for prominent [name of town withheld]er's over raptors for street names". Hold on. My eye twitch is acting up again. For a second there, I thought Name of Paper Withheld had gone back to using apostrophes as decoration. I'll just glance at it really quickly and look away, just to make sure.

Dammit, won't they ever learn how to use punctuation?

And what the HELL kind of English is that, anyway? Who prefers people over raptors for street names? That doesn't even make sense. The only way this could have been worse would have been if Name of Paper Withheld had used "then" instead of "than". (I have to find something positive in this. It's the front page, after all.)

Braving the story on page 10, I discovered that Councillor Brooks cast the only vote against a bylaw that would name streets in a new subdivision after birds. But don't worry! City Hall is still going to name streets after people! They just want to name a few streets after birds for a change.

This is the kind of hard-hitting news that requires a free press. Hold the front page.

Now THIS needs to be addressed

Reader-submitted question: Do you stage your photos?

YOU THINK I STAGE MY PHOTOS???

No, I don't stage them. However, sometimes the subject of the photo will make a funny face when he or she realises I am taking the picture. There are a few examples of this phenomenon in this post. Other times, I will ask the person to smile, but I usually try to capture a moment.

I am not a great photographer, but courses in photojournalism were required for my degree. I take many photos, so I can choose the best ones. I often crop them, too: the original shot of me in that post had my mom over my shoulder. You can still see part of her head on the left side of the picture.

But no, I don't put photos on this blog that make it look like something happened that didn't happen. And while I'm on the subject, I don't write things on this blog that make it seem like something happened that didn't happen. What kind of former journalist do you think I am?

Happy birthday, Stacey

Break the silence. Damn the dark. Damn the light.

Reader-submitted question: Your mother told your son where babies come from? Ahahahahaha OMG...Like *OH* *EM* *GEE*!!!!!!!!!! So did it turn out to be a good thing or a bad thing? LOL.

P.S. That David Hasselhoff gallery thingy is obscene. I had a Hasselhoff mustache-mare thanks to you!!

Don't worry. Dreaming about David Hasselhoff is very normal. All men aspire to his hairy manliness, and he is a star of stage and screen. There would only be cause for concern if you WEREN'T dreaming about him.

My son is in denial, I think. He hasn't mentioned it, nor has he suggested to anyone else that I am up to anything that would make a baby. Perhaps it was good that my mom started to explain it.

Margarita Night

Why, LOOK! It's an icy drink! How ever did THAT get HERE? Well, if I don't drink it, it's just going to melt. Really, I'm performing a public service.
And look! She's got one, too! I wonder if that one tastes the same way mine does.
Hey, I want the camera back!
If I clasp my hands this way, I'll look really angelic and nobody will notice that I've almost finished four margaritas. It's like camouflage.
Aw, shucks.
I don't like any of the pictures people take of me. I probably won't like this one, either.
I've got a better idea. Michael's the best camouflage there is! Everyone look at how cute he is! Nobody look at the drinks in front of me!
I stole the green thing off Grampy's glass! I wonder why nobody's eating them. They look yummy, like oranges. I can't wait to bite into it. That'll really show them that I am the sneakiest person at the table.
AAHHHH!!!

Karaoke Night

We spent the day at Universal Studios and were pretty tired by evening. So we went to the neighbourhood pub for supper.


It was two-for-one night. If you don't drink the second beer, it just goes to waste. And we couldn't have that, now could we?



The bartender had his eye on us.


He had a few ideas of his own. And that's how this:


turned into this:


Which turned into this:


And then this:

Happy Easter

Culture Shock

Once upon a time, I worked in a small CBC station in the Arctic (click to listen). I did a lot of behind-the-scenes work, lining up interviews for one of our show hosts.

The most memorable of those hosts was a fellow named Roy. He was an old-fashioned guy who took a lot of pride in his Inuvialuit heritage. He'd hunt polar bears with a bow and arrow and knew exactly which type of snow to use when building igloos.

One day, I lined up an interview with a local Inuvialuit elder who'd just published a book. He was a wizened little guy, and I'm pretty sure he knows how to put a curse on people, so I was keen to stay on his good side. I didn't have time to read the book, though. I knew it was about his life, and I figured I could write general questions that would work well. The book was titled Call Me Ishmael: an obvious Moby-Dick reference that signalled that it was about old-time whaling. Perfect. Whaling was a traditional Inuvialuit activity and it would work really well for our show.

Note to journalists: Do not line up interviews with authors unless you've read the book. Roy took one look at the list of questions I'd prepared and stared at me like I had two heads.

"What are these questions?"

"They're for Mr. Alunik. About his life as a whaler."

"He's not a whaler."

"What are you talking about? His book is Call Me Ishmael. He's a whaler, isn't he?"

"No. It's called Call Me Ishmael because his first name is Ishmael. Why would you think he was a whaler?"

"Because of Moby-Dick."

"Because of what?"

Fortunately, Roy was a pro. I have no memory of what they talked about, but I do know that it wasn't about whales.

Yet again, we have ruined a stranger's fun

We are sitting in an Indian restaurant, listening to the world's most annoying white woman.

She is very unhappy to see us here, because we are also white. Just by sitting in the restaurant, we have single-handedly destroyed its authenticity. This is a problem for her, but she is a big enough person to get past it. She just needs to re-establish herself as the expert in the room. If she doesn't, one of us may reveal that we have met someone from India, and then she will be completely shamed. She has to make the first move.

She sits at the table next to us and begins to shout to her companions. There is no need for her to shout: the tables are quite small. However, it is the only way she can be sure we will hear her.

"MY BROTHER MARRIED A WOMAN FROM INDIA. WHEN SHE CAME TO VISIT US, SHE HAD GOLD ALL UP AND DOWN HER ARMS. SHE ASKED US WHERE OUR SERVANTS WERE. WE HAD TO TELL HER WE DIDN'T HAVE SERVANTS!"

And on and on. Eventually, she mentions that she lives in London, which is when we realise to our horror that Annoying White Woman is Canadian. There's no way she could be from England.

"MY BROTHER'S WIFE'S SISTER MARRIED BASICALLY THE INDIAN STEVEN SPIELBERG. HE WAS A BIG-TIME MOVIE PRODUCER."

Her tablemates feign interest.

"I WANT BEEF. HOW COME THERE'S NO BEEF HERE?"

Waiter: "Because this is an Indian restaurant, ma'am."

"MY BROTHER'S WIFE ATE BEEF, AND SHE WAS FROM INDIA. WHAT REGION OF INDIA ARE YOU FROM?"

"Northern India, ma'am."

"SHE WAS FROM NORTHERN INDIA, TOO, AND SHE ATE BEEF. I THINK YOU SHOULD SERVE BEEF. INDIANS EAT BEEF."

For the Failed Mommies Club

"What the heck is that?"

Reader-submitted complaint: I have no idea what a meme is. How am I possibly supposed to participate or appreciate this if you provide no context?

Oh.

Sorry. I guess I assumed that people knew this.

A meme is an idea that spreads from person to person. Richard Dawkins came up with the term decades ago, but it hasn't really caught on except in a way he couldn't possibly have anticipated. Bloggers take part in Internet memes when they do the same thing other bloggers are doing. The most common way of doing this is to fill in lists about the same thing. For example, people might write seven things they do every day, or three odd facts about themselves. I suppose this is a meme, too, but we didn't think of it that way at the time:



I read a lot of blogs from people who participate in memes, so I guess I just assumed that people know what they are. My apologies, dear readers.

Homosassa State Park

Beaches

Saskboy's Meme

Saskboy has tagged me with a true Saskboy-style meme. It's the only meme in the world where you make up your own rules. He has threatened to afflict David Hasselhoff with another drinking problem if I don't comply. Obviously, I have no choice.

I present: Megan's Multiple Personalities Talk About The Meme.

1. David Hasselhoff Freak: It doesn't matter what this meme is really about. I can make it about the Hoff. All men aspire to his hairy manliness, and he is a star of stage and screen. He's even better in slow motion.

2. Little Miss Know-it-All: Lists are a lousy way to get information to the public. Especially top-10 lists. They're too cutesy, too formulaic. Think harder and come up with something better.

3. Uriel: I refuse to take part in this -- I won't even say it. I was interested at first, but that was before I found out that Richard Dawkins invented the word. It is clearly an atheist plot, and it is basically the same thing as forcing children to sin. Do you really want to go into the lake of fire? No, I'm really serious. I'm booking seats on the observation deck in heaven, and it would help if I knew when your roasting is scheduled. It really is a shame that you're going to hell voluntarily. Anyway, which of the believers wants popcorn?

4. Sister, mother, daughter: HAHAHAHA! Just kidding, Dad!

5. Fleetwood Mac fan: I wonder if I can bring Rumours into this somehow. Nope, probably not.

6. Canadian: Memes are nice. And I am nice. So are you. I'm OK, and you're OK. No need for anyone to get mad at anyone else, right?

7. Meta-blogger: It's pretty interesting that memes have caught on as much as they have. On one level, they create links to and from other blogs, which increases traffic and is generally good for bloggers. But clearly, people aren't just taking part in memes to get a link exchange.

OK, I'm done. Now, I have to tag three people, so I'm tagging A., Matt, and Jackie. If you don't participate, Rebecca Eckler will haunt your dreams, you'll have to go back to drinking vodka in the bushes, and you'll never get a cab. Pretty scary, eh?

Remember, the rule is that you make up your own meme rules. You are encouraged to modify the prophecies of doom for your tagees. Go forth and meme.

What? They don't play music *I* like? Then shut them down!

Russell Smith is at it again.

He's fed up with the CBC. I am, too, but for different reasons than Russell is. He's upset that they don't play the kind of music he likes. He figures that if Radio 2 does not play enough classical music at the times he plans to turn on the radio, the entire network should be scrapped. I'm not joking. This is really his argument.

Russell, as you'll recall, is the Toronto columnist who never misses an opportunity to let everyone in Canada know that he is better than they are. Whether it's the proper way to tie your shoelaces or to punctuate a run-on sentence, Russell is the man with the plan. Everyone else pales beside him.

I know it's Russell instead of a ghostwriter, because only Russell would write a sentence like this:

We've all seen the writing on the wall for some time now, and resistance is futile: The CBC no longer feels there is any point to devoting an entire radio station to the more musically and intellectually complex style of music colloquially, though entirely inappropriately, known as "classical" (more on that tendentious terminology in a moment), because, according to its mysterious studies, no one is interested in that any more.

A good rule of thumb is that if you have to stop for breath twice while reading a sentence out loud, your sentence is probably too long. I did not make this rule up: I learned it at a school with ties to England, one of Russell's favourite places. We wore formal robes to dinner with the president and sipped sherry after chapel. This is all true, and should make me eminently qualified to offer advice to Russell Smith.

Russell is furious, because Radio 2 is only going to play classical music while everyone's at work. The rest of the time, they are going to play music from artists like -- wait for it -- Diana Krall. Yes. Russell cannot believe our national broadcaster has fallen so far. You can buy Diana Krall's CDs at Chapters! What's the fun of listening to a radio station that plays music ANYONE can own? The whole point is to listen to musicians nobody has ever heard of -- that is the only way to establish yourself as a cool person in Toronto. Russell would never dream of telling anyone that he listens to Feist. Heck, everyone knows who she is. Russell can only be cool if he listens to music that is so pure, unique and genuine that nobody else likes it. THAT'S what should be played 24 hours a day on the public broadcaster.

Russell is especially contemptuous of any music that features a verse, a chorus, and then another verse. I suppose he is much happier when music features "codas" instead. That's totally different. In any case, Russell sees this programming decision as proof that Canada is not an enlightened country. He wants Radio 2 to be shut down, because there are plenty of private easy-listening radio stations in Toronto. Why would the country need another one?

And people in Toronto wonder why everyone else hates them.

You say it's your birthday. It's my birthday, too.

It has been many years, but I remember standing in the kitchen my dad built in Dexter, Maine, talking to my aunt Sharon, who is still very dear to me. She was telling me in a serious voice that she was very old, because she was 32. The Capitalist and I just looked at each other, stunned that anyone could be so old.

I am 30. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel.

This'll do:



And happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. See you tomorrow.

Bagwatch: Thursday morning

The phone woke me up, and I ran out to the front desk. They had something for me: MY BAG!!!

Yep, that's mine. I'm tired and bleary-eyed, but this looks like a RUSH tag. That explains why it took five days to complete a three-hour flight.

AND ALL MY STUFF IS INSIDE!!!

My hoodie! The one I've been wanting!

And there are my sandals! And my underwear! Wait. What about my bathing suit? I really want to go swimming today.

THERE IT IS! YAAAAY!!!

I am so happy to get my stuff back. I have been feeling pretty angry and helpless for the past week. Not really the way a person should feel at the Happiest Place On Earth.

MGM Studios

Bagwatch: Wednesday morning

HAHAHAHAHA. Of COURSE my bag hasn't arrived yet!

My shoes are in there. I really, really need my shoes, especially when we get back home. If I have to replace everything in that bag, I am going to be really angry. I brought very little clothing from Name of Town Withheld, but I spent a lot of time and money in Edmonton on Friday so I'd have something to wear while we are on holiday. Grrrr.

So far, I've bought four shirts, two pairs of shorts, and one pair of sandals. I could be in a Gap ad. I had to buy underwear, too, but I refuse to provide an itemized list for the pervs who stalk my site, doing searches for things like "wife sex addict" and "Christian domestic discipline". I see you, freaks.

Sorry for the focus on my luggage, but I really can't think about anything else. I just sit here and stew in my anger.

Bagwatch: Tuesday night

Nope.

Bagwatch: Tuesday morning edition

Three bags have arrived. None of them are mine.

Bagwatch

Nope, not yet.

Animal Kingdom

I do not like air travel

We're here, but our bags aren't.

Big sigh.

We got here at 5:00 this morning sans luggage. There are many reasons I hate Toronto, but one of the biggest is that for some reason they are completely unable to handle snow. First our flight TO Toronto was delayed by two hours. Then our flight FROM Toronto was delayed by two hours. We ended up making a run for the connecting flight, only to sit in the holding area for hours.

The good news is that apparently three of our four bags have been located and are on a plane to Orlando. We don't know which one is missing. Good times.

Wingardium Leviosa

Dear everyone,

OK, so my dad bought me a book and it has a magic wand in it. But it doesn't work! I think I am holding it wrong or saying the words wrong. Or maybe I need to stand on a little stool when I use it. And there are no little stools here.

My mom says I should read the book and learn more about the wand. But it would be a lot easier if someone would just tell me how to use it. That would be way faster. So I hope someone has a magic wand, because that is a really fat book. Or maybe I should go to Google and go to magicwand.com. I do not know what would be there but maybe it would tell me how to use it. I'm going to go to it right now, so bye.

From Michael

Happiest Place On Earth

It may be quieter than usual around here for the next few weeks. We are going on holiday and I won't be able to get to the blog every day. I will still be updating, but I may miss a day here or there.

Criminals of Name of Town Withheld: Don't even think about breaking into my house to steal my Fraggle Rock DVDs. My in-laws will be here. Steve's dad may be thin, but he's tough, and he will cut you.

Happy birthday, Lyndsy

I should be taken out back

Reader-submitted complaint: OMG Little Miss Know-it-all missed National Grammar Day! I am shocked and appalled at this lackadaisical approach to the correction of grammar. Get with the program!!

Oh, dear. It's true.

I linked to Stefanie yesterday but didn't do my own post. I agree: obviously, I shirked my duty by ignoring this important day.

I left a comment about grammar on Phil's blog yesterday, but he made fun of me and now my confidence has been destroyed. Yes. How sad. I may never be able to write about grammar again. The world could be deprived of my important contributions to semicolon and homophone usage. It's a true tragedy and it is ALL PHIL'S FAULT. He knocked me off my game and now I'm worried that I may never get the magic back.

Tattoos and bad jokes

The most trusted name

Today's episode of Little Miss Know-it-All: Shut him up! Dammit, we can't shut him up? Maybe we should hand him a megaphone instead.

CNN is the latest employer to prove itself completely incapable of dealing with bloggers. You see, they discovered that one of their producers was blogging in his spare time. (GASP.) Even worse, he occasionally wrote about the television industry! (DOUBLE GASP.)

They immediately fired him, ensuring that his dangerous opinions would never see the light of day again.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. The only thing this did was draw more attention to the guy's blog. They might as well have put up a billboard telling people to check it out.

Who would have thought that firing him would make the situation worse? This was certainly an unpredictable result. And who would have thought that until he was fired, he didn't mention who he worked for or what went on at work? Until CNN decided to draw attention to him, he was really nothing more than a blogger with a less-than-favourable view of Oprah. Firing him turned him into a star.

Morons.

This situation could have been dealt with quietly and politely. It reminds me of the CBC's heavy-handed plan to scare its staff out of blogging about their kids.

Employers: You will never be able to win by pretending that you can control everything your staff say in their spare time. And frankly, I think it's dangerous for you to even suggest that when your staff blog, they're representing you. If anything, you should be pushing for more general understanding that personal blogs are, uh, personal blogs. (Duh.) You never ever want it to seem like someone else's personal blog represents your own opinions. Firing people for going off-script on their own blogs just feeds into this idea. The more you try to insist that your staff follow the party line, the more you open yourself to criticism about the one or two weirdos you don't know about. Instead, you ought to be making it very very clear that personal blogs DON'T represent the company and that you have absolutely nothing to do with them.

Employees: I'm not saying that you should be able to post anything you want on your personal blog. In fact, there are a few things I won't defend you for:

1. Posting trade secrets or details about clients. This just isn't cool. Whether it's medical information about your patients in ways that identify them or the recipe for your boss's secret blend of herbs and spices, it's not OK. You can still write about what you do, but you can't give away information that's not yours to give.

2. Pretending to speak for your employer. Again, not cool. This turns your happy little personal blog into something that's half work, half personal. It's not fair to your readers or to your boss. It gets into what I was saying to employers a bit earlier: personal blogs should never ever be seen as extensions of the person's work. If anything, you need to make it really clear that nothing you say on your blog is your employer's opinion. This doesn't mean you can never write about work or use the expertise you've gained at work, but it does mean that you should be smart about the way you do it.

3. Saying rude things about people at work on your oh-so-secret blog. For pete's sake, find a more creative way to do this. If you're a writer, you can probably figure out a way. It seems like I'm always reading about people who've been fired for posting really stupid things about their bosses. I can never figure out why they couldn't come up with a way to write around the situation.

None of this is intended to show that you can't write about things you do at work. In fact, some of my favourite blogs are from people who've figured out how to write about their industries:

• Phil and Jackie
• Ricki
• Dr. J. and Dr. H.
• Mike and Jeannette

One day we will all figure this blogging thing out. Until then, I'm sure several other media companies (why is it always the media companies?) will make stars out of their former employees, who will quickly be snapped up by the competition. Great work, guys.

NWT Blogs!

My lovely and multi-talented friend Amy has created NWT Blogs, a directory of blogs from our territory. Please go and check it out. She plans to expand it over time to include a feed of the best posts from the NWT.

She has created badges for people who blog from here or just like to read about what's happening here. That means there's a badge that's perfect for you. :)

Basically, Amy rocks. Thanks for setting this up!

You guys have GOT to be joking

Do you not see how disturbing this sort of pairing is? You cannot do a soft-pr0n version of this picture. It is not funny; it's just plain creepy.