Oooh, goody!

Yes, here I am jumping up and down and clapping my hands with glee because a student has been tasered on camera. No, I am not a sicko.

This poor fellow asked Senator Kerry a question at a town-hall meeting. I don’t really know why the police felt it was necessary to remove him from the meeting, and I definitely can't speak to why they used the taser.

However, I can’t wait for Round Two: Reporters Report, Y’Know?

Whenever someone gets tasered on camera, reporters spring into action. The actual tasering only lasts a few seconds, but there is an urgent need to drag this story out for several days. This is called a “follow”.

Because reporters are super original, they always have the same idea: THEY should get tasered on camera, too!

This fabulous idea always plays out in the same way:

REPORTER: I want you to taser me.

OFFICER: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

REPORTER: No, I really want it.

OFFICER: I really don’t think that’s a good idea. It hurts a lot.

REPORTER: I’ll sign whatever legal papers you want me to sign. This will be great TV.

(Camera starts rolling. In the background, you can see several officers chuckling to themselves: they never thought anyone would be dumb enough to actually volunteer for the taser.)

STUDIO TALKING HEAD: Our field reporter John McLoopy is on the scene. John?

REPORTER: Sarah, I’m here with Officer Smith to talk about what a taser is. Officer, can you explain?

OFFICER: Basically, it delivers an electric shock to the body. It is used to subdue a suspect.

REPORTER: So, can you taser me?

OFFICER: I still don’t think this is a good idea.

REPORTER: What, are you afraid of the public finding out what the taser does?

OFFICER: I think the public already knows what the taser does, but I’m not sure you understand.

REPORTER: It’s in the name of journalism.

(Officer pushes button. Cut to reporter writhing on the ground.)

REPORTER: AAAAAHHHH!! IT HURTS! IT REALLY HURTS! OH MY %$@* IT HURTS A LOT!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!

OFFICER: That was the lowest setting. I told you it was really going to hurt. Are you OK?

REPORTER: OH MY GOD AND I DON’T HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

OFFICER: You’ll be fine. You should probably go change your pants, though.

STUDIO TALKING HEAD: Our investigative reporter John McLoopy on the scene. You saw it here: Tasers hurt.