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Saturday, September 01, 2007

Sadly, it's not a joke

A reader reminded me of city council's proposed ban on grocery bags. You see, there is no point in dealing with the crackheads when there are trees to hug! I had completely forgotten about this, but it is all too true. Unfortunately, in a democracy, we get the government we elect.

We can also thank city council for a variety of other recent silliness:

Fieldhouse: Many people wanted a fieldhouse, although I personally didn't care. City staff came up with a design that would have cost about $10 million. This was good, because they had $13 million for it. Unfortunately, council decided to let the public have a say into what should be part of the project. That was how we found out that people wanted another gym, a day care and a whole whack of other things to be part of the facility. The project cost doubled. Now that we know that people really want a day care, there's no point in building a fieldhouse without one! There will be no fieldhouse.

Tree-protection bylaw:
Seriously. It's still in development, but I have no doubt that it will be passed with a minimum of fuss. People who cut down trees will be subject to swift retribution. If only they'd set up meth labs instead, so they could just get healing!

Small, expensive homes without driveways on tiny scraps of land far from downtown and bus routes: Because that's the best way to increase the prestige of a new subdivision. I'm sure that people will be falling all over themselves to pay $400,000 for trailers without driveways on unpaved roads.

Super-energy-efficient homes, to be implemented immediately: Naturally. No point in waiting when greenhouse gases are involved, right?

Drug-free zone: Yes, we now have a drug-free zone in Name of Town Withheld. This is doing a really bang-up job at keeping drugs out, much, much better than the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act could ever do. It's so successful that I am going to name my block a "public-urination-free zone". That will have the side benefit of saving Councilor Kennedy the hassle of installing one of his public toilets near my house.

No free parking for veterans during November: You see, this isn't fair. Maybe there are some veterans who don't have cars. Also, what about those sneaky veterans who lend out their cars so that other people could selfishly take advantage of the city's generosity? (These are the actual reasons councilors decided not to give veterans free parking in November.)

Garbage: City council cut the number of garbage bags we could put out in a week. This could have been a good thing. However, they did this without making it easier to compost or recycle. And when they said "bags", they really meant "bags". Two half-filled bags count as two bags. Waste reduction is very important!