Support, help and comfort all who are in danger

I received a few calls today from my true friends. They were worried about me. This is a rough time, and I thank you for your support.

I'm referring, of course, to the latest video of David Hasselhoff. He's lying shirtless on the floor, so...vulnerable.

My first reaction was HECK YEAH! No shirt -- is it possible he's not wearing PANTS, either? Where's the b-roll of this tape?

My second reaction came about five minutes later, after I'd wiped the drool off my shirt. I watched the video again and decided that it was very sad. I wish you would all just leave David alone. It's hard to be the sexiest man alive. He doesn't need your judgmental stares.

My sadness quickly turned to anger. What, have you never been so drunk that you forgot how to chew? Ahhh, how quickly the judges become the judged! It's sooooooo easy to point fingers at others. I bet that if I followed YOU around with a videocamera, I'd find a few choice nuggets.

I beg you, on behalf of the family and everyone who loves David as much as I do: Please respect our privacy in this difficult time.