Would someone PLEASE tell me what I'm supposed to be doing on Facebook that is so potentially addictive? For the life of me, I can't figure it out.
I have an account. I have "friends", although most of them aren't my real friends and, frankly, I would prefer that they didn't get a message every time I add a picture of Michael to my photo album. I log in every day. And then I -- well, I don't do much of anything. Am I supposed to just sit here refreshing the page in case someone I know logs in? And then what do I do if someone does log in?
Facebook has an e-mail program, but I already have one of those. In fact, I already have four separate e-mail programs: one at work, one at home and two that came along with Yahoo Messenger and MSN.
Facebook also has a "groups" program that links me with other people with similar interests. This is a problem: you see, I hate other people with similar interests. I'm a boring person, and I don't need to be reminded of that by being hooked up with people who also want their husbands to replace the toilets. You can imagine the drama:
- Did he replace the toilet yet?
- Nah, but he ordered it from Sears.
- Right on!! That's super fab!
- Yeah, but how long will it sit there before he installs it? *poke*
- Oh, MAN! I totally hadn't thought of that! *poke*
I feel like I must be a loser, because everyone who's anyone has a Facebook page. This is part of the problem: everyone I ever knew has now started to bug me about becoming "friends". This does not mean that they actually want to be my friends. This means that they will get a running update of every single change I make to my profile. Steve recently switched his Religion indicator from "Atheist" to "Scientology" in an effort to keep the denizens of Facebook from trying to convert us, but this was unsuccessful, because we then got messages about Scientology.
I've been rejecting potential "friends", which seems very harsh but is apparently necessary. In real life, you never have to tell anyone that you don't want to be friends. You both just figure it out. Until I joined Facebook, I'd never been asked point-blank if I was someone's friend. Well, except the times when someone at work will disparagingly refer to one reporter or another as my friend -- my response is always Well, Richard's not exactly my friend. Now I'm faced with the possibility that I'll one day have to say Well, Richard's not exactly my friend. I mean, we've both posted it on the Internet that we're friends with each other, and I've given him full access to my family photos and he gets a little message whenever I go to the bathroom, but we're not really friends. Perish the thought. I have to get out of this somehow.