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Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Once a year

Everyone in my family likes Christmas a lot
But you know, I'm a grinch, and I surely do NOT
It's true! I hate Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
And go ahead - ask why! 'Cause I'll tell you the reason.

It's not about the snow and its blankets of white
It's not even that all the songs are so trite
So I'll tell you the truth, and don't be too appalled
I just hate the pressures I get in the mall.

You see, whatever your budget, I'll give you some news
It won't be enough to buy what my friends choose
And it's not just my friends! It's my family, this year!
And next week is Christmas! It's practically here!

I grab the Sears catalog, start nervously thumbing -
I MUST find a way to stop Christmas from coming!
But I've got an idea - an awful idea!
And I've got a wonderful, awful idea!

I'll call all the family, put it down to a vote
Let's buy our OWN presents, even Nan, the old goat!
I like this idea, now I'm one smart chick
I could do it online with just one mouse click.

I just need to convince them - no matter the frown
Don't buy gifts for me, go the other way round!
Does that interest the family? NO! They've simply said
"If you can't find a gift, give us money instead!"

Shall I name some of the gifts I've received since I wed?
The giant knick-knack, for one, that'll make you stop dead!
If my son gets more presents, or even more slacks
Something else has to go - there's no room on the racks!

I can't buy more gifts for uncles and aunts
Like books they don't read, or yet some more plants
It's time to stop draining our bank accounts down
To zero, just 'cause there are Santas around!

I'd like to see Christmas as old-fashioned cheer
Instead of a gift-buying frenzy this year
I don't need more stockings, or hairpins, or pets
I just want to have Christmas without any debts.

11 comments:

Ricki said...

You are so brilliant!

Megan said...

I can't say I'm brilliant, but I did have fun with this one.

Kiggavik said...

Cool. I could see that as an illustrated book edition.

Zach Bell said...

Hahahhaha. I love it. I was thinking of doing a night before christmas ripoff but I can't think of a good parody like yours. Maybe ill just copy and paste and sanitize my blog of any possible reference to yours?

Oh...that wouldn't work.

Dad said...

You can get your old fadder a glass of eggnog for Christmas. And, after all, he won't be there to drink it, and it would go bad eventually, so.... YOU CAN DRINK IT!
And yr old fadder will do the same fr you.

Dad

Gifted Typist said...

that's luvely

Reluctant Blogger said...

So funny. Is there no end to your talents?

Oh and by the way WE can say you are brilliant. You don't have to agree (but you can agree sometimes if you like without getting big-headed!!)

Anonymous said...

Megan, Megan, Megan;

Your rant about Christmas deserves a stern response.

If you don't want any presents, just tell "those people" not to give you a gift. If they insist on giving gifts, tell them to give them early, so that you can make sure that they are passed on to needy families before Christmas day. If they insist on giving gifts, just accept (and respect) the fact that this may be important to them.

I can't help with your issue about having to give gifts yourself. Gifts should be given because you WANT TO, not because you HAVE TO. You own this issue - don't blame it on anyone else.

Perhaps your gift to your friends and family this year could be to get over it and enjoy the season.

She of Many

Megan said...

It's funny, because I love to give people presents. When I was in Halifax last summer, I found an entire box full of philosopher finger puppets, and I spent at least twenty minutes going through them to find the very best ones to send to the Philosopher King.

I just don't like the forced frivolity and the commercialism. I suppose I'd be much happier if I could just ignore all of the people who make me cranky. Then we could focus on what's really important: drinking wine.

I meant FRIENDS AND FAMILY, of course.

scribe said...

Are there malls in Yellowknife?

Megan said...

We have several small malls. Nothing huge, but you can buy anything you need and many things you want.