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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A challenge!

Reader-submitted item: I was thinking of doing a Night before Christmas ripoff but I can't think of a good parody.

What a great idea!

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Arctic
Blog readers were looking for something cathartic.
They showed up at Snow-Covered Hills, not to share
But just to complain about what they read there.

Folks with bad grammar were filled with great dread
While visions of periods danced in their head. (HA!)
Harper-ites with their placards, and liberals with their crap
Had just settled down: we've had a cold snap.

When out on the tundra arose such a chatter
I felt it must be the crux of the matter.
And so to my editor's pen I did dash
There can be no excuses for printing this trash.

Bad columns, bad headlines, and news that's not news
So many great options, and still I must choose.
But one guy writes garbage so fast and so quick
I knew in a moment it must be his schtick.

More rapid than eagles his columns they came
And I howled and I shouted, and called him by name:
"Russell, stop! We can't bear it! Our anger just clicks in!
We don't care if YOU like it: we're getting our kicks in!"

Then I spoke not a word, and went back to my work
Although I admit that I did have a smirk
And felt that I ought to produce some more prose
For all of my readers who don't know who blows.

And so I wrote poems that made readers bristle
And send me rude e-mails and call for my dismissal.
But I heard SOME exclaim as I started to write:
"Merry Christmas, dear Megan. Don't be TOO polite."

9 comments:

Rob, Tina and the boys said...

You so rock. :)

Mack the Hack said...

i smell a contest

Ferry Tales said...

'Clicks in' works better!

Megan said...

Yeah, "Vixen" doesn't rhyme with much, does it? I couldn't leave it out: that's one of the most recognizable lines in the entire poem. But man, did I struggle with it.

thecoconutdiaries said...

Dickens who??

Gifted Typist said...

send that in!

Megan said...

Send it where?

Matt, Kara and Hunter said...

What? You wrote that whole thing and didn't mention David Hasselhoff?? Are you feeling alright?

scribe said...

This is fabulous. Yes, I do agree with previous post about a blog contest.