Beaches

Saskboy's Meme

Saskboy has tagged me with a true Saskboy-style meme. It's the only meme in the world where you make up your own rules. He has threatened to afflict David Hasselhoff with another drinking problem if I don't comply. Obviously, I have no choice.

I present: Megan's Multiple Personalities Talk About The Meme.

1. David Hasselhoff Freak: It doesn't matter what this meme is really about. I can make it about the Hoff. All men aspire to his hairy manliness, and he is a star of stage and screen. He's even better in slow motion.

2. Little Miss Know-it-All: Lists are a lousy way to get information to the public. Especially top-10 lists. They're too cutesy, too formulaic. Think harder and come up with something better.

3. Uriel: I refuse to take part in this -- I won't even say it. I was interested at first, but that was before I found out that Richard Dawkins invented the word. It is clearly an atheist plot, and it is basically the same thing as forcing children to sin. Do you really want to go into the lake of fire? No, I'm really serious. I'm booking seats on the observation deck in heaven, and it would help if I knew when your roasting is scheduled. It really is a shame that you're going to hell voluntarily. Anyway, which of the believers wants popcorn?

4. Sister, mother, daughter: HAHAHAHA! Just kidding, Dad!

5. Fleetwood Mac fan: I wonder if I can bring Rumours into this somehow. Nope, probably not.

6. Canadian: Memes are nice. And I am nice. So are you. I'm OK, and you're OK. No need for anyone to get mad at anyone else, right?

7. Meta-blogger: It's pretty interesting that memes have caught on as much as they have. On one level, they create links to and from other blogs, which increases traffic and is generally good for bloggers. But clearly, people aren't just taking part in memes to get a link exchange.

OK, I'm done. Now, I have to tag three people, so I'm tagging A., Matt, and Jackie. If you don't participate, Rebecca Eckler will haunt your dreams, you'll have to go back to drinking vodka in the bushes, and you'll never get a cab. Pretty scary, eh?

Remember, the rule is that you make up your own meme rules. You are encouraged to modify the prophecies of doom for your tagees. Go forth and meme.

What? They don't play music *I* like? Then shut them down!

Russell Smith is at it again.

He's fed up with the CBC. I am, too, but for different reasons than Russell is. He's upset that they don't play the kind of music he likes. He figures that if Radio 2 does not play enough classical music at the times he plans to turn on the radio, the entire network should be scrapped. I'm not joking. This is really his argument.

Russell, as you'll recall, is the Toronto columnist who never misses an opportunity to let everyone in Canada know that he is better than they are. Whether it's the proper way to tie your shoelaces or to punctuate a run-on sentence, Russell is the man with the plan. Everyone else pales beside him.

I know it's Russell instead of a ghostwriter, because only Russell would write a sentence like this:

We've all seen the writing on the wall for some time now, and resistance is futile: The CBC no longer feels there is any point to devoting an entire radio station to the more musically and intellectually complex style of music colloquially, though entirely inappropriately, known as "classical" (more on that tendentious terminology in a moment), because, according to its mysterious studies, no one is interested in that any more.

A good rule of thumb is that if you have to stop for breath twice while reading a sentence out loud, your sentence is probably too long. I did not make this rule up: I learned it at a school with ties to England, one of Russell's favourite places. We wore formal robes to dinner with the president and sipped sherry after chapel. This is all true, and should make me eminently qualified to offer advice to Russell Smith.

Russell is furious, because Radio 2 is only going to play classical music while everyone's at work. The rest of the time, they are going to play music from artists like -- wait for it -- Diana Krall. Yes. Russell cannot believe our national broadcaster has fallen so far. You can buy Diana Krall's CDs at Chapters! What's the fun of listening to a radio station that plays music ANYONE can own? The whole point is to listen to musicians nobody has ever heard of -- that is the only way to establish yourself as a cool person in Toronto. Russell would never dream of telling anyone that he listens to Feist. Heck, everyone knows who she is. Russell can only be cool if he listens to music that is so pure, unique and genuine that nobody else likes it. THAT'S what should be played 24 hours a day on the public broadcaster.

Russell is especially contemptuous of any music that features a verse, a chorus, and then another verse. I suppose he is much happier when music features "codas" instead. That's totally different. In any case, Russell sees this programming decision as proof that Canada is not an enlightened country. He wants Radio 2 to be shut down, because there are plenty of private easy-listening radio stations in Toronto. Why would the country need another one?

And people in Toronto wonder why everyone else hates them.

You say it's your birthday. It's my birthday, too.

It has been many years, but I remember standing in the kitchen my dad built in Dexter, Maine, talking to my aunt Sharon, who is still very dear to me. She was telling me in a serious voice that she was very old, because she was 32. The Capitalist and I just looked at each other, stunned that anyone could be so old.

I am 30. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel.

This'll do:



And happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. See you tomorrow.

Bagwatch: Thursday morning

The phone woke me up, and I ran out to the front desk. They had something for me: MY BAG!!!

Yep, that's mine. I'm tired and bleary-eyed, but this looks like a RUSH tag. That explains why it took five days to complete a three-hour flight.

AND ALL MY STUFF IS INSIDE!!!

My hoodie! The one I've been wanting!

And there are my sandals! And my underwear! Wait. What about my bathing suit? I really want to go swimming today.

THERE IT IS! YAAAAY!!!

I am so happy to get my stuff back. I have been feeling pretty angry and helpless for the past week. Not really the way a person should feel at the Happiest Place On Earth.

MGM Studios

Bagwatch: Wednesday morning

HAHAHAHAHA. Of COURSE my bag hasn't arrived yet!

My shoes are in there. I really, really need my shoes, especially when we get back home. If I have to replace everything in that bag, I am going to be really angry. I brought very little clothing from Name of Town Withheld, but I spent a lot of time and money in Edmonton on Friday so I'd have something to wear while we are on holiday. Grrrr.

So far, I've bought four shirts, two pairs of shorts, and one pair of sandals. I could be in a Gap ad. I had to buy underwear, too, but I refuse to provide an itemized list for the pervs who stalk my site, doing searches for things like "wife sex addict" and "Christian domestic discipline". I see you, freaks.

Sorry for the focus on my luggage, but I really can't think about anything else. I just sit here and stew in my anger.

Bagwatch: Tuesday night

Nope.

Bagwatch: Tuesday morning edition

Three bags have arrived. None of them are mine.

Bagwatch

Nope, not yet.

Animal Kingdom

I do not like air travel

We're here, but our bags aren't.

Big sigh.

We got here at 5:00 this morning sans luggage. There are many reasons I hate Toronto, but one of the biggest is that for some reason they are completely unable to handle snow. First our flight TO Toronto was delayed by two hours. Then our flight FROM Toronto was delayed by two hours. We ended up making a run for the connecting flight, only to sit in the holding area for hours.

The good news is that apparently three of our four bags have been located and are on a plane to Orlando. We don't know which one is missing. Good times.

Wingardium Leviosa

Dear everyone,

OK, so my dad bought me a book and it has a magic wand in it. But it doesn't work! I think I am holding it wrong or saying the words wrong. Or maybe I need to stand on a little stool when I use it. And there are no little stools here.

My mom says I should read the book and learn more about the wand. But it would be a lot easier if someone would just tell me how to use it. That would be way faster. So I hope someone has a magic wand, because that is a really fat book. Or maybe I should go to Google and go to magicwand.com. I do not know what would be there but maybe it would tell me how to use it. I'm going to go to it right now, so bye.

From Michael

Happiest Place On Earth

It may be quieter than usual around here for the next few weeks. We are going on holiday and I won't be able to get to the blog every day. I will still be updating, but I may miss a day here or there.

Criminals of Name of Town Withheld: Don't even think about breaking into my house to steal my Fraggle Rock DVDs. My in-laws will be here. Steve's dad may be thin, but he's tough, and he will cut you.

Happy birthday, Lyndsy

I should be taken out back

Reader-submitted complaint: OMG Little Miss Know-it-all missed National Grammar Day! I am shocked and appalled at this lackadaisical approach to the correction of grammar. Get with the program!!

Oh, dear. It's true.

I linked to Stefanie yesterday but didn't do my own post. I agree: obviously, I shirked my duty by ignoring this important day.

I left a comment about grammar on Phil's blog yesterday, but he made fun of me and now my confidence has been destroyed. Yes. How sad. I may never be able to write about grammar again. The world could be deprived of my important contributions to semicolon and homophone usage. It's a true tragedy and it is ALL PHIL'S FAULT. He knocked me off my game and now I'm worried that I may never get the magic back.

Tattoos and bad jokes

The most trusted name

Today's episode of Little Miss Know-it-All: Shut him up! Dammit, we can't shut him up? Maybe we should hand him a megaphone instead.

CNN is the latest employer to prove itself completely incapable of dealing with bloggers. You see, they discovered that one of their producers was blogging in his spare time. (GASP.) Even worse, he occasionally wrote about the television industry! (DOUBLE GASP.)

They immediately fired him, ensuring that his dangerous opinions would never see the light of day again.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. The only thing this did was draw more attention to the guy's blog. They might as well have put up a billboard telling people to check it out.

Who would have thought that firing him would make the situation worse? This was certainly an unpredictable result. And who would have thought that until he was fired, he didn't mention who he worked for or what went on at work? Until CNN decided to draw attention to him, he was really nothing more than a blogger with a less-than-favourable view of Oprah. Firing him turned him into a star.

Morons.

This situation could have been dealt with quietly and politely. It reminds me of the CBC's heavy-handed plan to scare its staff out of blogging about their kids.

Employers: You will never be able to win by pretending that you can control everything your staff say in their spare time. And frankly, I think it's dangerous for you to even suggest that when your staff blog, they're representing you. If anything, you should be pushing for more general understanding that personal blogs are, uh, personal blogs. (Duh.) You never ever want it to seem like someone else's personal blog represents your own opinions. Firing people for going off-script on their own blogs just feeds into this idea. The more you try to insist that your staff follow the party line, the more you open yourself to criticism about the one or two weirdos you don't know about. Instead, you ought to be making it very very clear that personal blogs DON'T represent the company and that you have absolutely nothing to do with them.

Employees: I'm not saying that you should be able to post anything you want on your personal blog. In fact, there are a few things I won't defend you for:

1. Posting trade secrets or details about clients. This just isn't cool. Whether it's medical information about your patients in ways that identify them or the recipe for your boss's secret blend of herbs and spices, it's not OK. You can still write about what you do, but you can't give away information that's not yours to give.

2. Pretending to speak for your employer. Again, not cool. This turns your happy little personal blog into something that's half work, half personal. It's not fair to your readers or to your boss. It gets into what I was saying to employers a bit earlier: personal blogs should never ever be seen as extensions of the person's work. If anything, you need to make it really clear that nothing you say on your blog is your employer's opinion. This doesn't mean you can never write about work or use the expertise you've gained at work, but it does mean that you should be smart about the way you do it.

3. Saying rude things about people at work on your oh-so-secret blog. For pete's sake, find a more creative way to do this. If you're a writer, you can probably figure out a way. It seems like I'm always reading about people who've been fired for posting really stupid things about their bosses. I can never figure out why they couldn't come up with a way to write around the situation.

None of this is intended to show that you can't write about things you do at work. In fact, some of my favourite blogs are from people who've figured out how to write about their industries:

• Phil and Jackie
• Ricki
• Dr. J. and Dr. H.
• Mike and Jeannette

One day we will all figure this blogging thing out. Until then, I'm sure several other media companies (why is it always the media companies?) will make stars out of their former employees, who will quickly be snapped up by the competition. Great work, guys.

NWT Blogs!

My lovely and multi-talented friend Amy has created NWT Blogs, a directory of blogs from our territory. Please go and check it out. She plans to expand it over time to include a feed of the best posts from the NWT.

She has created badges for people who blog from here or just like to read about what's happening here. That means there's a badge that's perfect for you. :)

Basically, Amy rocks. Thanks for setting this up!

You guys have GOT to be joking

Do you not see how disturbing this sort of pairing is? You cannot do a soft-pr0n version of this picture. It is not funny; it's just plain creepy.