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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I lost my power in this world because I did not use it

Reader-submitted complaint: This blog is nothing but the deranged musings of an insane woman. I could get the same thing if I read letters from prisoners.

Well, I suppose that could be true. I've read quite a few letters from prisoners, and their writing styles are typically similar to what you'll find here. Like me, they threaten violence for comma misuse, grumble that some people are walking around free even though they are clearly guilty of gross grammar negligence, and attempt to recruit vulnerable people into their organized semicolon gangs.

Just yesterday, I was sharpening my toothbrush into a shank while considering the best way to deal with indiscriminate apostrophe usage. I have been silent on this matter far too long. I intend to send my manifesto to the New York Times with a threat: If I see one more ad for apple's or pencil's, I may be forced to ambush someone in the laundry. I fully intend to hold that person hostage until the world agrees to stop using the word impacted to refer to anything other than teeth or feces.

You will not deny me the satisfaction of knowing that I have made a real difference. Come here and let me smell your hair.

4 comments:

Ricki said...

Megan! "YOU"--are: th' Bomb;!

(Oh, wait--"bomb": is that a criminal offence?)

Anonymous said...

Megan, that has got to be the funniest ever!

mom

Jackie S said...

I just about drove off the road in anger the other night, because a reporter on World @ 6 used "our" favorite verb, impacted.

Instead I screamed "AFFECTED, YOU IDIOT, AFFECTED!"

PS
Don't drop the soap's in the shower!

Shaund said...

Just yesterday, I was sharpening my toothbrush into a shank while considering the best way to deal with indiscriminate apostrophe usage.

I have got to stop reading your blog at lunch...that much food is not meant to come out a person's nose (wait, did I get that apostrophe right, I wouldn't want a toothbrush slipped between my ribs).