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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fine Canadian journalism

I haven't thought about Rebecca Eckler in a while except to chuckle at her self-absorption every time I see her Googling herself in my site stats.

But look out, Canada! You're about to get a lot more of her! A lot! How exciting is that!!!

No, I haven't hit my head. I've just been reading the press release about her new book. (I love my readers.)

It appears that Eckler is now writing her own press releases. I imagine that her publicist realised that according to publicists' ethics, he cannot claim anything that he knows to be untrue. Thank goodness Eckler is a professional writer and can step in to help during urgent situations like this one. My analysis is in bold text.

April 16, 2008
Montana Ridge: Toddlers Gone Wild by Rebecca Eckler! Now in Stores

The third installment of witty observations from the trenches of toddlerhood

Ms. Eckler is available for Media Interviews!

Because I am familiar with the basic rules of the English language, I now know a few things about this book. It is called "Toddlers Gone Wild by Rebecca Eckler!", meaning that the title of the book includes both the author's name and an exclamation point. This is a bold move. Usually, book titles don't include the author's name unless the author is at least as famous as Oprah. And punctuation's always risky. It can come off as shrill.

I also know that it comes "from the trenches of toddlerhood". That's not really a word, but I assume it means that a toddler wrote the book, which sounds just about right. If a mother wrote the book, it would come from the trenches of motherhood.

Last, I know that Ms. Eckler is available for "Media Interviews!", which sounds very exciting if not particularly grammatical. I personally have already worked myself into a frenzy like the sort of thing you usually only see in fundamentalist churches right after the snake handling.

TORONTO, ONTARIO--(Marketwire - April 16, 2008) -

Attention: Entertainment editors, books and lifestyle editors

Rebecca Eckler, one of Canada's most popular newspaper columnists, is back more tales from the land of mommydom, giving readers insight into life with her adorable and precocious boddler (half toddler, half baby) in Toddlers Gone Wild!

Back WITH more tales, I think you mean. But now I'm confused. Is the book called "Toddlers Gone Wild!" or "Toddlers Gone Wild by Rebecca Eckler!"? Either way, it definitely sounds incredibly exciting.

I LOVE the new "boddler" word. It is SO SMART. I wish I'd come up with it first. How can I meet the person who invented this word? I'd like to tell her how super awesome she is. Maybe we could even be friends! Hold on, I have to fan myself. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed at the thought of being in the same room with such a literary genius.

Eckler's latest book is available to all mommies and mommies to be who want to know how Toronto's "It-Mommy" handles toddelrdom. And when not running after Toddler Rowan, Eckler will be available for media interviews as well.

AHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I couldn't stop myself. Between the terrible grammar and the spelling errors, I thought this paragraph was directed at people who think Eckler is Toronto's It Mommy, whatever the hell that is. Maybe I DID hit my head.

Hot on the heels of her international best tomes regarding the trials and tribulations of raising baby Rowan, Eckler's Toddlers Gone Wild! looks at the intricacies involved in raising the now "boddler" aged tot.

Whoa. Clearly I didn't just hit my head; I've been caught in some sort of tear in the space-time continuum. In this Bizarro World, Eckler evidently has at least two "international best tomes". Wait. What the hell does that mean? That's not even English.

And what "intricacies" are involved in raising a "boddler"?

Gone are the days when the sweet, cherub-faced infant would mind mommy when she said "no," and gleefully do whatever she suggested. When baby reaches the boddler years, those days are replaced by the most uncharacteristic determination, followed by a tantrum (on both sides).

A TANTRUM ON BOTH SIDES? This simply CAN NOT be true.

Much like Knocked Up! and Wiped!, Eckler's humourous style examines some pertinent parenthood questions- the kind that most parents think about but never bring up in polite company. For example, Eckler's inner voice demands to know what's up with what she calls anti-children people - the kind that won't let a two year old into their store under most circumstance. To this, Eckler retorts, "She can't very well be tied to a leash and left outside!"

Ah, Eckler. You truly are the voice of mommies everywhere. I could stand up and cheer. I've given up on trying to correct your grammar, because there's clearly no point. You are TOTALLY RIGHT. I personally allowed my own son to ride roughshod over hundreds of expensive boutiques when he was two. Then I compared him to a dog and screeched at a few salesclerks.

From falling in love all over again with the Fiance, to butting heads with The Boddler, the highs and lows of Toddlers Gone Wild! will resonate with any modern day mom who wants her cake and a slice or two.

Eckler's available for interviews week of April 21 and first week of May 2008.

Say it ain't so! Are you saying that I could CALL THIS WOMAN and she might actually talk to me? Hold on, I'm feeling faint again. What if we could be friends? Maybe I could brush her hair! Maybe -- just maybe -- she could help me with my pathetic writing career!

I'm including the contact information for Eckler's publicist because I feel really sorry for anyone who has to deal with her in person. He deserves all of the link love he can get.


Montana Ridge Enterprises
Parmjit Parmar
(416) 750-0966 or Cell: (416) 402-7156


Trudie said...

I want you on MY team!

Anonymous said...

There are two reasons I know this press release is for real: (1) You posted it and (2) it's about Eckler. Megan, anything you post about Eckler is just too stupid to make up. This one, I think, takes the cake so far. What idiot would send this out to the media? Any half-witted agent would be horrified with all of the errors.

Meg, we all know how you feel about Eckler. Who else is laughing at her? I mean, if she's still showing up in Toronto papers, she must have some sort of cult following, but please tell me that the majority of the English-speaking world is pissing themselves as they ridicule her.

Seriously Frivolous said...

She's back.
My blood pressure just rose and it's only 7:19 am.

Amy H. said...

It-mommy? Self-styled perhaps.
Who impregnated this woman?

Shaund said...

Too funny, but you know, until I read this, I had completely forgotten that Rebecca Eckler even existed.... I'm still trying to determine whether the laughs are worth the being reminded.

Are you going to do any other self-important columnists? Can you do Leah McLaren next? She's got to be good for a post or two, don't you think?

scribe said...

Falling in love with the fiance again? I don't think she ever was in love with the money bags, and besides, they've been broken up for a year. Eckler is awful, awful, awful, and all those grammatical errors give her away. I miss Nine Gram Brain, but your wit is just as sharp!!!!! (How many exclamation pts can I use before I get kicked off your blog?).

Anonymous said...

I wish Nine Gram Brain were still around. But honestly, the woman practically parodies herself.

towniebastard said...

If you keep kicking at the mentally retarded like this, Megan, she will never go away.